Weight Watchers

Guys as you know I joined weight watchers in January.

On the 19th to be exact.

I had been mulling it over for sometime. As I just couldn't do it on my own. I took my sweet time because I just honestly couldn't afford it. I have lots of important things in my budget and the truth is that I know what to do to lose the weight. I don't NEED WW.

Except that I totally do.

There's something about having to step on the scale every week in front of an often older woman, who has lost 40, 60, 100 lbs and kept it of for 5, 10, 20 years.

If you have a shitty week and couldn't stick to the program, you're up .5 lbs or more, their genuine and understanding questions like, "what happened this week?", really help. No matter what you answer, "I couldn't resist the cake", "I binged all weekend", "We went on vacation this week", they just nod in a knowing way, smile and encourage you, "what will you do differently this week...". I just need that.

I'm super competitive, it's hard for me to sit there every week and not try to do better. A lot of people there have a lot more weight to lose than I do. They keep at it. I can too.

The meetings are great. I have a lot of food issues. I'm addicted. (kind of like with alcohol, except that I need food), WW gives me the tools I need to eat in moderation. I'm about to share a big secret with you.

I have been an unofficial member of OA (over eaters anonymous) before. I have sat in my car and participated in phone meetings before. When I was skinny. Just because you "look" normal (maybe better than "normal") doesn't even kind of mean you are. I've tried talking about it with my friends and family, but they were very dismissive about it. It's not their fault. If your not an obese cow and you look great, workout and everything, they think you're exaggerating. Or maybe that your being hard on yourself. WW gives me the tools I need to see what it is I need (including treats and indulgences with a clear line in the sand).

Don't be worried about me. Since I became pregnant something in my brain switched. I haven't binged once. Not even when faced with an emotional trigger. I have pigged out, but that's not the same thing. When you binge your not eating till it hurts, you're eating till something inside of you is full.

Don't get me wrong it hurts, but it also fills something inside of you. It quiets a voice, subdues an emotional hurt that can't be subdued in any other way. Comforts you when there's no consolation. Being a mom, somehow filled me.

Anyway back to WW. I'm four weeks in. I've lost my first 10.6 lbs. As promised here is the post to let you all know where I am. I weigh the same thing I weighed a week after Animal was born. A pound away from weighting the least I've weighed since his birth.

10 pounds away from what I think a normal person weights.

19 lbs more than I weighed when I found out I was pregnant.

32 away from my goal.

I'm not sure when to update you next. So I'm going to leave it up to the comments. I could do again in about a month, just after my 35th birthday. Or as promised when I shared this goal with you at the halfway mark, in 10 more pounds or so, I'm a super shitty math student, I'll figure it out what that number is later. I don't want to bore anyone with my weight issues. Or pat myself on the back too hard. It's a struggle and a journey I don't mind sharing or keeping to myself.