Thursday, November 8, 2012

TT Post Baby Sex

DISCLAIMER: If you know me IRL, you do not want to read the following post. Also if you find this subject distasteful you also want to skip this post and you may instead wish to peruse through my home page and find a post title more to your sensibilities. I understand, no hard feelings.


Well my Theme Thursday Cohorts came up with a real fun topic for this week, Post baby sex. More specifically "How Kids Kill Your Sex Life". I could just make a list I guess, but you can likely imagine the things on the list and it seems more generic as I am not witty, or that clever.

Before having Animal, my sex life was highly satisfactory. I got it often and Mr.Libido, as the hubby will be referred to for this post, can lay it down. I was a happy and frequent customer.

Now, having been married for 9 years prior to the little cock blocker, as my DS will be referred to in this post, it was not super spontaneous, or all night any longer. But occasionally it would be all day. Spontaneity is somewhat over rated. Sure it adds excitement, but not everywhere is as comfy as my bed, and not every position is ideal to get me to that awesome place that keeps the Mrs. wanting to offer the Mr. a sandwich or something...

Anyway, I remember back in the, I still had sex with Mr. Libido days, he would complain the he NEVER got to have sex. Because the only thing that would make him disagree with that statement is if we were doing it everyday. So while I was more than happy with 3-5 days a week, he would have rated our sex life as only "satisfactory". I can say that with certainty because we once took a test on how "happy" our marriage was, and that is how he rated his sex life.

Sex pretty much came to a grinding halt once I started showing. He was afraid he would "hurt" the baby. At first it bugged me, but eventually I was just too uncomfortable to want it. So I guess that worked out?

Next of course was the labor. He was worried about was going to happen down there and if I would get to loose. I have to admit I was a little worried myself. So I took a pelvic floor workshop. And tried to use all my new found knowledge to keep the lady bits from being destroyed.

I was pretty lucky, the little cock blocker's birth was amazing, and I came out basically unscathed.

Where the trouble really began, was after.

First we were exhausted. I was up all night breastfeeding or pumping.  And Mr Libido can somehow choose sex over sleep, but not me.

We couldn't make ANY noise or the little cock blocker would start crying and that is not sexy.

I felt like a pig. Also not sexy. I still have a lot of baby weight to take off, but now that I'm running and sleeping I feel better. Mr Libido still wants me and I can (and will) look better.

I thought there was no spontaneity before, well I didn't realize what no spontaneity was, until now. If Mr Libido didn't sneak attack me perfectly wonderful and acceptable I would NEVER have sex. Now he "NEVER" has sex. On a good week I think we've Mr Libido has made it happen 3 maybe 4 times. But there have been lots of maybe once a week, weeks.

Oh and the fear of getting preggo again, well that's another unsexy thought.

The house is a complete disaster, there are ALWAYS a LONG LONG list of things on my to do list.

I used to be a cute girl who took pride in her appearance. Now I'm a frumpy mom. I don't plan to stay that way and I really do try my best 25% of the time but I just don't have time. I work full time, in and out of the home. I refuse to buy new clothes because I'm going to fit into my cute wardrobe again. And all of that does nothing to help me stay hot and bothered.

There have been improvements, the little cock blocker is in his own room, finally.

We finally get to sleep,  so now, until he gets some creepy sixth sense powers and I know he will we're getting a little boom.

If I sit here any longer I'm sure I could think of many more ways kids kill your sex life, but isn't this enough? I need a drink...







17 comments:

  1. lol, I'm still laughing at "cock blocker"

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  2. "Cock blocker" is SO much better than "DS." I hate "DS."

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    1. The first time I read DS, I was like what the F is that? The only DS I know is made by Nintendo.

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  3. Yep, you have coined the term little cock blocker right there.

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    1. I always wanted to coin a term, but to be fair I can't be the only that calls a spade a spade

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  4. Men will always complain it's not enough. The Artist used to get it every day. He'd tell his friends it wasn't enough. I mean, what do they want, morning, noon, and night? Wait, don't answer that.

    Great post, cock blocker made me laugh and spit coffee on my keyboard!

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    1. I always wanted to make someone spit out there coffee! thanx, I'll treasure reading your comment always!

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  5. Cock Blocker! That is classic, love it!

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  6. Another vote for little cock blocker over here. And ALL men choose sex over sleep. Hell, mine would choose it over food, and football. Now THAT's saying something.

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    1. That is saying something. the hubby would never pick anything over football. you must be awesome ;)

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  7. COCK BLOCKER! That is awesome!!!!

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  8. Yeah. It's the dirtiest secret no mom will tell you. Or, I suppose, the least dirty secret. Either way, I'm with you.

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    1. misery loves company?

      or someone told us but we thought, not us. or maybe that was just me...

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  9. On the other hand, the Y (boy) sperm is very fast. In a fair race, it would likely win. But in gender selection, the race is rarely fair. That's because the Y sperm are also very weak.

    Chinese Calender Baby Gender

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