Orgasmic Birth Part 2

When I last left you, I was telling you how grateful The Hubby and I were that Suzette had NOT listened to us and had headed to the hospital. I was freaking out about how far I was not along and the nurses were less than thrilled with me as a patient.

Suzette was instantly calming for the hubby and I, and that was exactly why we hired her. We were rookies and we needed a pro. If you are expecting and on the fence about hiring a doula, I highly recommend that you go for it.

When I first brought it up to my hubby, I did it when girlfriends were over (expecting that they would see the legitimacy of desire) and could maybe help convince him this was a wise idea. A doula is not cheap and as all parents know babies are EXPENSIVE. To my surprise the girls thought it sounded like a silly luxury and that  my money would be better spent treating myself to a spa day, clothes or baby gear. They also reminded me that the nursing staff would be there to help us through it and women had been birthing babies sometimes completely unassisted for eons. My husband without missing a beat, and no prompting from me said "Yes but would you rather have a public defender, or a lawyer". That was my thought exactly.

Any way back to the hospital. My cousin and sister handled the paper work, and got rules from staff. The Hubby and I headed to the bathroom for a private pow wow. I was very worried, even with Suzette there, that it was too early, and I wouldn't make it. The pain would be too great and I would give in to the things the hospital would surely push on me. The Hubs told me how great I was doing and that it was all going to work out. We headed back in the room my confidence renewed.

I was apparently sleeping in between contractions and was rather peaceful. Saying only "I thought I would have more time".

Still, I am in a lot of pain at this point. We moved from bed to a birthing ball. My husband rubs my back, Suzette is in front of me and rubbing my shoulders. She suggests that I might like to go for a walk as the ball isn't doing much to help the pain and I actually think this sounds like a great idea.

We do a few laps at a tortoise like pace and this actually feels better than the birthing ball. I was not only in pain but also feeling pressure. The laps made me feel better and we return to the room.

Shortly after 1 am, I am back in bed. And snoozing between contractions again. I did not realize I was sleeping, but when I read Suzette's birth story a few days later, it all made sense, as it all felt so fast. Just before 1:30 they take my blood pressure (again) and when I am conscience I say "Am I really having contractions, or am I making this all up?"

A little later I have to pee. The hubby takes me to the bathroom and I confide in him that I feel like I have to push, the pressure is so great. I want them to check me again, but I'm so scared, that since it's only been 2.5 hrs I'll be at like, 5 centimeters, or worse yet, I'll still be at 4. What if I can't make it? What if I'm not as strong as I thought? What if I do want drugs?

He was so comforting. He told me I was doing so good, and he was so proud, Suzette was so amazed, and that I could do it. It made me feel so strong again.Confidence recharged, I told him I really really wanted them to check me, because I really, really wanted to push.

Just before 2 am, the hubby and Suzette get the nurses to check me. They have been resisting because It's just so early. But when they check my cervix I'm at 9 almost 10! They call my doctor, and tell me she'll be there in 20 minutes.

I feel like I can't wait for the doctor. The urge to push is so great. This next part is gross I know, but as I get the urge to push and I resist, "stuff" gushes out of me. I don't know what this "stuff is" hot liquid, not urine, is just gushing out of me. I want to cry. Literally want to cry, not because it is not as painful, but just embarrassing, WTF? is coming out of me. I ask the hubby to play the music we had prepared to calm me down.


As some of you have gathered from the title of my blog I'm a runner. When we discussed the ambiance for the room I told Suzette, "I don't want classical music, or to picture myself on some beach. I want to hear OK GO and The Hives, and other music I listen to when I run. I want to get pumped up and picture my son moving through the birth canal, my body getting ready and everything going smoothly to the end. Just like I would get through a hard run. Envisioning the end, how I would feel with the task accomplished and over." Of course my hubby obliged me and had the perfect play list ready to go. Months before the big day.

When the nurses came in and heard the awesomeness that was my play list, they shot the hubby daggers with their eyes. Then scolded him for playing abrasive "heavy" music, when what I needed was to be calmed and soothed. Didn't he realize what I was going through?

Basically they were saying he was a selfish prick listening to what he wanted instead of what I needed. He explained that I chose the music and I wanted to listen to. That it was what I would listen to for an especially hard run. They chilled out after everyone else in the room confirmed the music selection was mine.

We keep asking where the doctor is, they keep telling me she'll be there in 20 min. They take my blood pressure, AGAIN. I remember thinking to myself said out loud "I'm going to start pushing and I don't care if there's no doctor, or nurses, I can't hold him in much longer." In the birth story Suzette gave me it says I'm crossing my legs at 2:30 and it looks like I'm trying to hold baby in. That is EXACTLY how it felt. My body was pushing, but I was trying to keep my son in because there was no one saying push.

Now I have to take a brief intermission from my son's birth to tell you a side story.

As I mentioned in part 1, I watched all kinds of documentaries and listened to all kinds of stories. The ones I secretly envied  and wished for of course were the ones that were quick, and as painless as pushing a watermelon through a orange sized hole could be. But I never once dared to think this could be me.

Part of the reason for hiring Suzette was so that I could know, when things took a turn for the worse, that we did all we could to prepare for both best case and worst case. If faced with worst case someone would remind us of what, and how we wanted to handle those tough decisions when we were cool headed.

One of the documentaries that touched my heart like no other was called "Born to Birth", I watched with awe as this mom to be, with only her hubby, and her mom (a mid wife) in their home, had the most perfect birth. This mom to be following, her own moms advice, didn't tear and wasn't swollen! WHAT!?! I KNOW! I never hoped or dreamed this could be me on any level. But it kind of was...

Back to me. At 3 am, my doctor arrives and preps for delivery. I start pushing, only to be told not to push too hard or I will deliver my son before doctor is ready. I try to push lightly, What the fuck that means I'm sure I don't know. I think I just went with my body without adding anything. Finally the doctor says to really push. And my son is born 5-7 pushes later at 3:24 am. I had a tiny tear, purely cosmetic doctor says.

My sister cuts cord, my little guy pees on me as he's laid on my chest, I don't care. He takes to the breast like a fish to water. My hubby and I are in love like never before. Placenta comes out.

My blood pressure is taken again. It's high and I have a fever. I'm dehydrated it turns out. My doctor is pissed, she starts giving it to the nursing staff. They tell her I opted for no IV. I'm too sleepy and in love with my baby to notice or say anything. I did opt for no IV, but I did want a hep lock, in case I got dehydrated and couldn't keep up with the liquids my body needed. As any new mom will tell you, nothing matters once they place YOUR baby in YOUR arms.

He was born 11 days early. 6 lbs 9oz and he was and is perfect.

A week ago when he celebrated his first birthday. All evening, all night, I kept waking up. I would look at the clock and remember what was happening at that time the year before. I didn't stay asleep till I woke up at 3:30 and thought, last year at this time I was holding my son, feeding him for the first time.

I wonder when, if ever, I will stop remembering that night so vividly.

Lastly the best part was that I hired Suzette not only for me, but so my hubby could relax, and not have to take care of me. So that he too could enjoy the birth of his son. The funny thing was, with Suzette there to encourage and reassure us, The Hubby took care of me the whole time. I can't remember a moment he wasn't at my side. It was the single most romantic moment of our lives, I wonder if he knows that...