Crispin Hard Apple Cider Review

Listen up queerdos, I've mentioned before I'm not big on beer cuz it just doesn't pack the punch of hard liquor. Nevertheless I like to change it up a bit and drink a little of this and a little of that.

As a mom of a toddler, I need to be able to make myself a good stiff drink and then move on. Often one is all I get. Both for obvious time restraint, and because I still have to take care of my little love bug. While I do sometimes pawn the parental responsibilities to the hubby, I also want to enjoy my little Tasmanian devil. So I can't always be the lush my heart yearns to be. Sobriety, much to my chagrin, is an important component of being a good mommy.

The hubby tried this a few weeks ago and kind of raved about it, so I decided I needed to check it out for myself, as the hubby has good taste.

Crispin's Hard Apple Cider has 6.9% alc. by vol and comes in a 22 oz. bottle. *remember most beers come in the 4% alc. by vol range so this is already a winner in my book. It tastes an awful lot like a yummy Mexican apple soda with just a hint of alcohol so you are not fooled into thinking that you're drinking just a soda. It's bubbly, light, crisp and VERY tasty. I got a nice little buzz and if I'd had it before lunch I bet it would have been even more fun. All kidding aside, this was a truly enjoyable cider. I would have very much enjoyed it with pork chops, a pulled pork sandwich or bar-b-que. It was truly delightful.

One last tip for you bargain hunters...this bottle retails for 9.99-11.99 at Safeway, but the exact same bottle runs you 5.99 at Whole Foods. So if there's one in your area pick it up there.

Enjoy, I know I will enjoy this again many times. 

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Parenting Fail # 82

brush brush brush 

Okay, I'm gonna tell you the fail at the end, so be patient.

I have been patting myself on the back like a fucking pendeja (spanish for dumbass) for months now.

It all started when Animal got some teeth, I brushed them with that little finger brush.

Then we moved onto a training toothbrush. I (from day one) would sing Animal this song "Brush Brush Brush your teeth, morning noon and night, brush them, brush them, brush them, till they're clean and white." He would smile happily doing the motion of brushing teeth, up and down, side to side (because I would sing the tooth doing the motions prior to brushing as a warning of what was coming).

when I handed Animal his first training toothbrush, he knew just what to do. And he just did it.

I fucking patted myself on the back like a puta (Spanish for whore) would pat herself on the back for having three holes plugged. yeah I'm getting cochina in this post I was so fucking proud, like ridiculous bragging proud.

Now, I didn't actually brag to anyone, I just in my heart wanted to be all "my son brushes his teeth like a boss, cuz I'm a kick ass mom! Suck it bitches!"

Then one day, that little asshole was done with it.

Maybe that's being extreme. Is he an asshole for being a typical toddler? Yes! For letting my heart be all braggy and shit.

He was done with brushing his teeth.

I handed him his toothbrush and were he once brushed his teeth happily, he just threw it to the ground. Stepped on it. Or did anything else with toothbrush that would keep that toothbrush out of his mouth.

We couldn't get him to brush his teeth. We tried forcing it. By forcing I mean literally pinning his arms down, and holding his face. Yeah. We didn't want to, but dental hygiene is very important. So you know the fail here, I thought I was the shit mom, cuz I taught my kid to brush his teeth. No fights, no fuss no muss.

Anyway, the fail (for those of you that need it spelled out), obviously is that I thought I was...

Cooler, better, more awesome than most moms.

The truth was, I'm just like every other mom. Sometimes I rock, sometimes I'm rocked.

You'll be happy to know that he's brushing his teeth again, or he let's me brush his teeth. Sometimes, most days.

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The Facebook

I loved MySpace once upon a time. I know, MySpace is OFN, old fucking news.

Then everybody got a Facebook page. Even my parents. The hubby and I abstained. To this day, I don't have a personal page. Nor do I want one.

I don't do things just because everyone else does. I'll admit I'm a conformist in many ways. I get up everyday and go to work. I pay bills. I don't break too many laws.  I wear clothes. I'm married. I have a kid. I drive a car. I recycle. I bring my own bags to the grocery store. I'm a consumer. Yawn. You get the picture. The thing is I want to do all those things. I don't want to be on Facebook. The only awesome thing about MySpace becoming obsolete that rocked was getting my time back. MySpace was a super fun time suck, and I don't need a boring time suck.

Except now I do. I need to learn things and to promote things and I'm gonna need a fucking Pen name.

I'll reveal later once I figure this shit out.

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I Feel Like Rocky!

Proud moments, we all have them. Today's theme is to share one. 

Last weekend I ran my first non stop 60 minute run in more than 2 years. It was absolutely wonderful, and I almost didn't do it. The night before I got a terrible nights sleep. I was sleepy and was worried about a long run. The Cardio Trainer app was updating me randomly, and the news was not good.

I wrote about my slow pace a while back and how I was gonna be happy and proud of it because it was gonna get me to where I wanted to go. And it has been, after all I  was about to run a 6 mile run, but I have been whittling my pace down, lately I was running 9:46 min per mile, close to my first goal of 9:30 min per mile.

Randomly the robotic voice of Cardio Trainer was letting me know that I was running 10:17, 10:05, 10:37 sure they were sprinkled sparingly in there. The mental damage was done though. Little cracks in my long awaited come back run.

I was thinking I could pick up the pace as I warmed up, but two miles in I realized that was not happening. Nuts! Mile 3 started feeling long, I started thinking about giving up on my run this week. If it couldn't be perfect I didn't have to do it. I could do it next week after a great nights sleep.

I kept running. I thought about my favorite quote. The strong, get stronger. Those four words have gotten me far. I repeated it to myself. Over and over for another another lap. Then once or twice for another lap, then not at all on the next. Before I knew it, I was on mile 4, only a quarter of my run left.

I was gonna do it, and it was almost over.

I started thinking about what I was gonna say if anyone asked me about my morning. "I just ran 6 fucking miles!" I would say.

Then I did. With an average pace of 9:56 min per mile, and I was so proud. I felt like fucking Rocky, and I'm not even kidding I raised my hands up in the air and felt invincible.

What I'm proud of is that I didn't give up. That I wont give up. That in October I'll run a half marathon. That I'll be that mom. That mom that doesn't give up.

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I Hate It When He's Right...

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I don't really remember how many years ago it was, but one evening we stumbled onto a show about teen pregnancy on MTV. It was really interesting to see just how difficult it was for these too young mom to be's. 

Even the hubby watched as these clueless couples went from shock and silly notions to the realities of parenthood. We watched the parents of these children having children, as they struggled to help their kids prepare for everything to change as they came to terms with their own heartache. It was a brutally honest show that ended with an interview and serious talk with Dr. Drew, of Love Line fame. We talked about the public service this type of documentary might be for a generation growing up to fast.

Then it happened, 16 and Pregnant. The hubby was instantly turned off and disgusted. He said MTV was going to create even more teen pregnancies by allowing these girls 15 minutes of fame. Who would want fame at that cost? Said I. 

Next came Teen Mom. I was hooked before it started having watched these girls go through their pregnancies and births. Did MTV pull the plug on 16 and Pregnant, now that they were following these young moms? No. That show continued too. Following new crops of pregnant teens. The hubby started with the I told you so's. 

I wasn't gonna watch any of the new teeny boppers, but then I got pregnant, and I had to watch every pregnant person and birth possible. 

Then those girls got their own show, Teen Mom 2. How could I not watch them as well. They were there when I was waiting for my own bundle of joy. We'd already been through so much together. 

The first Teen Mom series ended and I sighed a sigh of relief. It was over. Except it wasn't. Farrah's in a porn, Amber's in jail, Caitlyn and Tyler are on some new show getting therapy and Maci? I don't know, and I only pray that means she was able to move on without any publicized drama.

Teen Mom 2's season just ended. Two of the four girls seem stable for the moment. Chelsea, she just needs time. I think, I hope. But Janelle, she was on heroin. And it would seem that the Motherfuckers at MTV did nothing except record the awful train wreck for our entertainment. My entertainment. The hubby was right, I hate when he's right. He's right way too often for my liking.

I can't continue to watch this show. I'm helping the train derail for these poor girls.

Lazy Liberals

I was running an errand at Safeway tonight and when I pulled into a parking spot, I saw the sticker pictured above. 

It made me so angry. I snapped a photo and tweeted it with this question: How about fuck you?

I didn't regret my sentiment. Only that I couldn't tweet everything I was thinking and feeling when I read said sticker. That someone might read and only think that I was being vulgar for vulgarities sake, but when see that bumper sticker that's what I read, a vulgar statement.

What I see is someone saying, "I am a Republican, and you're a lazy motherfucker!"

It makes me angry because my husband and I work so hard. Like, most people in this country. To imply that if I don't subscribe to your politics makes me a lazy ass is just asinine. My husband has been on his own since he was 17, except for financial aid a few few semesters, he has never been on any public assistance including unemployment. I have been working since I was 15 and I have never used public assistance either, but I have paid into them, and I'm glad too. I think social programs are important safety nets that benefit our country as a whole.

So how dare you make a statement like that.

I am into politics, I would say I'm independent before picking a party. But even though I have my own very strong opinions, I would never put a bumper sticker on anything I own advertising such a judgemental blanket statement. 

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ABC Sucks

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I'm not a big fan of ABC.

At my house it rates under CBS, which I consider the Senior station. CBS has The Mentalist, which I enjoy even if the hubby can tell who the murder is 10 minutes into every episode. They also have football, even if it is the most boring commentators ever. I don't know how they manage to do it, but I take a nap every second quarter when the game's on CBS. They also have shows (I don't watch, but are popular) like CSI, and all the spin offs and Two and Half Men.

Back to lame ass ABC. I used to love TGIF as a kid, and 20/20 is still great. Recently they seem to have resurrected themselves with shows like Modern Family, Surbergatory, the B in Apartment 23 and  Happy Endings. That show is ridiculously funny. All the characters are hilarious. The hubby and I look forward to it every week. They have tried and tried to kill it, even moving it to the infamous Friday night spot, where good shows go to die. Well despite various efforts from the likes of Jenn at SomethingClever2point0, and the #savehappyendings campaign on Twitter those KoalaFuckers at ABC have pulled the plug on this great show.

I hubby broke the news to me today, Mother's day, and I will be forced to drink the rest of Sunday night away in order to subdue the hole that has been left in my soul. Fucking knicker lickers!