Coveted by who? All? Most? Work out of the home moms.
Ever since Animal was an infant, all I wanted was to stay home and be there for every moment.
Except, I'm not cut out for that life.
When I'm home, I long to have a routine and schedule that includes: having a reason to put on real pants, adult conversations and mandated break times.
When I'm at work I wonder what Animal is up to. I want to enrich his life and build a strong bond between us. I want to be the classroom mom, I want to make pinterest worthy, from scratch lunches. I want to be patient, and perfect in every way.
The thing is, I'm not. I'm not patient. I'm not attentive. I'm trying, but I'm always failing. I'm not perfect. I know that's a silly thing to say. Of course I'm not perfect, no one is perfect. But I feel like I'm failing all the time.
I try to plan fun activities for my son and I. I take him to the amusement park, to the pool, to playgrounds and parks. I find activities at the library or his school. It doesn't matter what we do we spend some portion arguing. When I was a kid that was unheard of. Not the sulking or pouting of course, but the arguing. It drives me metaphorically insane, and to literal tears. I feel like the worst mom at least once a week. My son does not behave this way with his father, which only leads to disagreements between my husband and I.
This week at the beginning of my stay at home mom fantasy week, we took his bike out on the trail and rode to the park and then back. We argued as usual and while he sulked I sent an S.O.S text to a good friend. My son noticed how upset I was and apologized to me. He did his best, and did in fact change his attitude and we had a decent day.
My friend responded with this, "So much of this is his age. Anytime I have 7-10 year old patients. I know it's going to be a fight to do anything."
We went on to have a conversation about developmental stages.
A few days later we took his bike to the library, played tag at the park and then went in to check out some books. I found two books. The one I'm reading right now is called Your Seven-Year-Old Life in a Minor Key. It's all about the developmental stages of a seven year old. What a fucking God send. You know sometimes, it's just really helpful to know what are common and age appropriate stages that we all go through. Of course every kid is different and while some kids do a lot of a behavior, or just try it out once, we all go through these stages. As a parent it's important to know where a kid (your kid) is coming from. So that you can be better equipped to handle these moments. And at least for me, it is what I need to save my mental state.
Books to the rescue again!
No comments:
Post a Comment