Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Sweet Goodbyes



Every. Weekday. Morning. I get up by 6 am. 

Earlier if I'm running. So that I have enough time to make breakfast for me and my family. Eat my breakfast, pump, wash pump stuff, pack Animal's breakfast, leave a pb&j for hubby and jump in the shower. 

I do this so that I can get Animal up at 7, change his diaper, nurse him and dress him. Then the hubby gets up he takes over for 30 minutes in which I have to get dressed, brush my teeth, maybe put on make up and flat iron my hair. Pack our lunches, Animals diaper bag, with a full days meals and snacks, pack my pump up  and load the car. 

At 8, 8:10 at the latest the hubby carries Animal and puts him in the car so that we(Animal and I) can get to grandma's house. We leave at that time so that by 8:15ish Animal can be sitting at grandma's kitchen table and I can feed him breakfast. I leave my mom's house between 8:35 and 8:40 so that I can be at work before 9 am when I clock in. 

I don't have to feed him breakfast, I could choose to let my mom handle it and just head to work early and have some time to myself or stop for a delicious cup of coffee. Or I could take my time in the morning and get some make up on my face to showcase the only part of me that's still presentable. 

But I don't. Because I miss my son. I want to spend time with him. I want to enjoy him. I don't want my mom's day to be longer and I want to give my son at least one meal a day. Sure I still nurse him twice a day but I can tell he's already weaning himself. Which is great because then I can have a glass or two of wine sooner, but terrible because soon we wont have that special us time.  

After I feed him I head out the door, but not before I grab his face and give him a lot of kisses he usually laughs and then starts to wave goodbye wildly. I love it, it's so cute and makes me happy to know that he knows our routine and he's happy. 

This particular morning after loading his soft face with at least a dozen kisses, he didn't wave goodbye. He didn't even look at me! I called his name at least a dozen times and practically begged for him to look at me. He picked up a book and took it to my mom so she could start reading to him. He refused to look at me, and because I spend every minute I can with him I had to go or be late.

I said good bye again to no avail and headed out the door. No sweet goodbye. Sometimes being a mom sucks. 


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6 comments:

  1. Awww. That sounds heart wrenching! But the look on his face when you get back to him must be priceless!

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  2. Ohhhh, these moments are so hard. You just want to go on-and-one about how much you love him and then throw in a few extra guilty-comments like: "come on, please I do so much for you, please just a little wave or coo just something." Haaa! I've had those moments, many-many of them.

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    1. It's so hard to remember his world doesn't revolve around me.

      Glad I'm not the only one that has those moments

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  3. Oh, kids know how to cut us deep. Great post. SOOOO true. Erin

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    1. I never knew how much it sucked, I wish I could go back in time and be nicer to my parents!

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