What I Miss...

Running on a regular basis provides a lot of things for me. Right now as I learn to juggle motherhood and an active lifestyle I am not yet getting in the consistency I need to both achieve my short term goals: loosing weight and getting up the mileage and stamina needed to run the Half in October. As well as my long term goals: being healthy and running a Full Marathon in about a year.

I don't lack motivation or desire. The weather (over night freezing temps) mean a unsafe track, there are patches of black ice at 5 am, and a injured and traveling running partner means some mornings I don't have someone to meet. The older I get the less I'm willing to run alone (for safety reasons). As the weather improves in the next few weeks I will get the consistency I need and my body and mind will reap all the glorious benefits of consistency.

In the mean time, here is a short list of all the things I miss of not only running, but being months down the line of this journey.

Of course I miss being at a healthy weight and more easily maintaining my waistline. More than that I miss eating and drinking with little to no guilt. A large bowl of oatmeal with fruit and walnuts? A tasty Pb&j or fuck a stack of pancakes for breakfast? Yes, sir I just ran 5-8 miles I'd say those calories are well deserved. Plus I'm kind of a functioning alcoholic, that's a lot of empty calories I need to burn them somewhere. The trail is the perfect place. In fact aside from pregnancy and breastfeeding, training is the only time I willing choose sobriety. 

Pride. I worked so so hard to be able to call myself a runner. No joke. Years, and years of lacing up the running shoes and trying to just run a mile. One fucking mile. I thought I was gonna die, but I wanted to be a runner. I wanted it so bad I could taste it. And Fuck if my inability to breath was gonna stop me. 

Peace. Running is my church. Like literally my church. I spend that time talking to God. Reflecting on my life, my choices. Where am I going right? Where am I going wrong? What should I be doing differently. I spend my time praising the Lord for the world he's created, for my amazing body that can move, for my family. It brings me peace of mind and spirit. 

The thing I miss most though, is running on the track or trail and having the men step it up because they can't possibly be slower than some girl. It's not them picking up the pace that I miss. It's the moment that they can't keep the pace they set. It's the moment that I pass them and they're defeated. Or sometimes they can keep up there new pace for a mile or two, and then they stop and I run 2 or 3 more miles. Whether they are there to see or not. I know. I win.

I can't wait for this summer...