Fucking Queen!!!

We will
We will
We will
Rock you!!! 
(They did this song on Glee last week)

When I was in high school at every football game our school won, "We Are The Champions" would be played, as the team walked off the field. While this is not their best song. This song has this very special place in my heart. It brings to mind happy memories and childhood friends.

 Also I am sucker for these kinds of songs.

I FUCKING love QUEEN!

Queen is theatrical.

Queen is different. 

Queen can fun, light, whimsical, and they can be deep, dark, and heartfelt.

 Freddie Mercury, was well, Freddie Mercury. Such a talented man. And look at him (in the late 70's early 80's), he was some serious eye candy.

In 2004 -2005 (I think, those years seem like a blur) the hubby and I went to watch Queen+Paul Rodgers (of Bad Religion) and it was an awesome show. I remember wondering if they would attempt to do Bohemian Rhapsody, they couldn't, could they? It really had been a great show. But I was torn with wanting to hear one of my favorite Queen songs and feeling it would be sac religious.

They did play it, but a  large screen with Freddie came down on the stage and the band (May and Taylor) played while Freddie sang and played the piano. It was perfect.

Tamari Malbec an Amateur Review

I picked this bottle of Malbec at Whole Foods for 10.99, I picked it up thinking that I would share a glass with my siblings and mom on my birthday. I liked the bottle and I was looking forward to writing a review. 

Well as usual when anything is planned at my mom's house, things just don't go as planned. My dad was in the city with his siblings, my son's nap was interrupted and so he was in a stellar mood. My mom got an unexpected visitor and my brother ran late. Overall though it didn't matter. I was still getting to enjoy a glass of wine with my sister, while things slowly fell into place.

The wine was delicious. The notes of berries were sweet and pronounced. It was smooth and tasty. I was so surprised by how good it was, that I considered sharing with my mom's unexpected visitor. A not so favorite member of our extended family. Luckily, my siblings were there to talk me down from my generous notations. 

It was a happy 35th birthday. I will enjoy this wine again. If you see it in the wine section, I would be shocked if you didn't find it delightful.

Do Over

This week we're talking about Do Overs! Remember those? Life was so simple when you could just shout out "Do over" after some fail, and just do it again (hopefully land it, stick it, or score upon trying again).

When I read this weeks topic, I knew exactly what I was going to write about.

If there's one thing I wish I could do over, it's college. How I wish I had not taken anytime off, but even more importantly that I had majored in Early Childhood Education. Surprised? (That I didn't major in my field I mean) I got my ECE units before I started any G.E. courses or even picked a major. I had been working with kids for a few years as a teachers assistant and I wanted to be a teacher while I went to school (so I could make more money) but I knew that preschool teachers get little to no respect professionally and make next to nothing, while working really really hard. So that was not going to be worth the years it was going to take me to get my degree.

I majored in Nutrition. I wanted to be a nutritionist. I have a passion for helping people be healthy. I'm a great motivator, listener and most importantly I wasn't some skinny bitch who had no idea what a struggle it can be to make healthy choices and find delicious alternatives for favorite foods.

Then I couldn't pass statistics to save my life, and decided that I loved teaching just as much, so...

I changed my major to History, my favorite subject. A subject that I was sure I could bring to life for high school students. That plan wasn't so much off, as it would take forever. Cost me a lot, and I wasn't sure how I could afford the student teaching portion of the certification. Life of course got in the way, I took a semester off, then two, then more. Only a few classes shy of of getting my AA and being able to transfer.

If I could have a do over, I would major in Early Childhood Education, something I love, something I'm passionate about and something I could have completed before I took time off. I'm director qualified, but only a bad school would want a director that who was minimally qualified. Which means I would only make a little more, but with an insane amount of responsibility. If I had just known then what I know now. I could have my AA in ECE AND be certified. I could be a director at a great school, or a state school, even a group of schools. It would be an insane amount of responsibility, but the pay and hours would be better. Which means I could have provided more for my family AND have more time to be the very involved mom I long to be.

Do over. Do over. If only.

I didn't even begin to write this or think about it again, until this morning. (Always the procrastinator.) I thought about it at about 5 am. Animal woke us up, crying and screaming at 4:45. What the fuck! I went in and checked on him. He stopped crying immediately, I changed his diaper gave him a bottle and walked out. All without speaking. He started crying as soon as I walked out. Both the hubby and I were feeling extremely sleepy, grumpy and really, really shitty, because that what it feels like when your heart lives outside of your body and it's distressed.

I would trade that one big do over for a bunch of little do overs. Where if I had just known that keeping my mouth shut for a minute would mean avoiding a useless, meaningless, stupid minefield of emotions, hurt feelings and angry words I would take it in a heartbeat.

A fucking heartbeat my friends.


To read others shoulda, wouldas or to add your own please
                                        click the TT button

Like Father Like Son

A while back I wrote about a couple of ways my son and I are a like. Now that he's a little older I can think of a few more things I could add, but this post is not about me and my little munchkin. It's about how Animal is also a lot like his father. 

Here's a fun little list of some of the ways that our 18 month old is like Daddy...

First time coloring

1. Art. Animal loves to look at art. He loves color. He loves to create. Some kids scribble a line or two and move on. Some scribble a whole page with one color and go. But some, some use all the colors in the box. We have lots of art supplies at home and I know it's just a matter of time before the hubby and Animal are painting together. The only crayons we've let him use so far are some fat double sided colors that came with a lion king coloring book. He used every color delighting in each line. It was so fun to watch, and I can see he's gonna be the kind of kid that fills page after page. Hopefully not wall after coffee table...

Music Lover

2. Music. Animal loves to listen to music. All kinds. He loves to make music. With any of instrument. Toy or real, he makes music. The glee in his eyes reminds me of his daddy. My husband loves music. He never learned to play an instrument, but he has incredible rhythm (he loves to dance too) and listens to such a wide range of music that it blows my mind. I'm excited see them share this love. 

Yeah, that's Bill Murray looking at you

"let's see, does this place have bacon?"

3. Restaurants. They both love to go out to eat. Does that mean I'm a terrible cook?  Animal loves to flirt with the cute waitresses and patrons, and the hubby likes to discreetly check them out. Animal loves to eat new foods and he especially enjoys eating off our plates. The hubby enjoys eating things that aren't the semi home made dinners I'm prone to making.

Whole Foods bacon is fat free, right?

4. Bacon. I don't know when the hubby's love of bacon first took hold of his cholesterol laden I'm guessing heart. Without any prompting and without my husband even offering it to our little guy, Animal insisted on trying the sweet strips of swine. And much to my chagrin, he fucking loves it.

5. Sports. Animal doesn't yet sit through a game, but when daddy watches football or basketball he is loud and animated, and Animal is right there. He stops playing and walks up to the TV or faces it and just starts giving it to the team. I love to see, I only wish I knew what he was saying. One Sunday morning, I know that I'm going to see Animal sitting on his daddy's lap watching a Bears game and cheering (or booing). I'm looking forward to lazy fall football Sundays we ALL can enjoy, but more than that, I'm waiting to take a snap shot of that moment when it begins, that moment that will be forever seared into my husbands heart.

I can't get down! HELP ME!

6. No Fear, No Pain. Well, no fear and no pain until something benign creeps in and all hell breaks loose. The hubby does all kinds of things, sometimes dangerous things. With no fear. But let us go hiking and don't let him see me climb a rock or he will flip the fuck out, because he imagines my clumsy ass plummeting to my early demise. He's flown off the back of a moving truck and gotten numerous concussions, without really missing a beat, but God forbid he get a cold. Anyway Animal does all kinds of dare devil shit, and constantly bangs himself up without batting an eye, but sit him in a chair with his feet two inches from the ground and he will flip out thinking he can't get down!

I can actually go on and on. Animal is like his daddy in so many ways. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Cocktail Hour

They sure look pretty don't they?

Two weeks ago on Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom, She made the tastiest looking cocktail. Short. Sloe. Squirt. Also, awesome name for a cocktail. The ingredients list was short and contained one of the only sodas I enjoy drinking (very occasionally). Squirt! 

So I had to try it, I was only missing one ingredient. Vodka Citron. We always have Vodka, but  I don't often buy flavored Vodka, so a trip to my favorite candy store was in order. 

The liquor store!

Once all the ingredients were purchased, I made this for one of my favorite drinking buddies and we enjoyed it on a hot Saturday afternoon. It was 81 degrees, and this drink was refreshing. It surprised me though. I expected a sweeter taste, because of it's bright color. It was honestly good, easy to make and pretty. I'll make this again, for a summer BBQ, or hanging out on the porch on a hot summer night. I recommend that you check out the link if you like Sloe Gin, Vodka or Squirt. 

Happy Drinking!

Summer Time

There was little that was more awesome to me than summer vacation as a kid. I looked forward to that endless weekend all school year long. It wasn't because I hated school, I actually loved school, but nothing beat the freedom that came with summer vacation.

Summer vacation meant days I could spend anyway I wanted.

I could read, all day until the words started moving into each other and my eyelids became so heavy with sleep that I passed out. I could write uninterrupted. Pages and pages of stories. Never finishing any of them. But that was okay, because they were just for me. Playing in my backyard with my siblings, my cousins and sometimes the neighborhood kids. Days spent at the mall or at the local amusement park people watching. Days spent talking on the phone.

Camping trips. Swimming. Hiking. Hanging out with my folks. Bike rides. BBQs.

Nothing but good times. Happy memories.

I remember my junior year of high school thinking this is it. I'll never have a summer vacation like this again. Unless the hubby and I hit the lotto, I never will. I hope that Animal finds his summer vacations as free and relaxing as I did and that he remembers them just as fondly.

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Wholehearted Sorry

There are no words really.

For the first time in I don't know how many years, I couldn't find joy in my run. I didn't love every minute. Or a single minute.

I could only think about the devastating events at the Boston Marathon.

How unfair that this moment of triumph (something many people carry with them as a badge of what they can accomplish) should be forever marred with terror.

That these innocent bystanders should be hurt only for standing around, probably bored out of their minds, but nevertheless willingly, so that they could cheer their loved one on.

There are no words. My heart has never felt heavier on a run than this morning.

I'm sorry for all those affected.

No More Margaritas For Me

19 Damn points for this?

No more margaritas for me, it hurts just to think it. 

This is just another example of how Weight Watchers has changed my life. 

I had been pining over my favorite cocktail (to drink when out) since the day I first learned that I was pregnant. All of my pregnancy I talked about having a few with my sister, my friends and with the hubby when we went out to eat.

Then when Animal was born and I saw that I could just barely keep up with his ginormous appetite with precious little to freeze, I realized I would not be drinking until I introduced solids (maybe) or until his first birthday (what actually happened). 

On a date night a few weeks ago, I finally had my much drooled over drink. 

It was okay. Way sweeter than I remember. 

At home I use equal parts tequila, triple sec and cointreau then add the juice of two limes or a lemon. Anyway let's just say it was not what I remembered. Then later that night I added it in to my points tracker and God damn I couldn't fucking believe it! That cursing and taking the Lord's name in vane was completely necessary, and not at all  overly dramatic. 19 points! The same number of points that I had used to have grilled salmon over rice pilaf, steamed veggies AND a glass of wine at dinner! THE SAME AMOUNT FOR ONE MEDIOCRE DRINK! Well Fuck me, never again! No margaritas unless I'm home making the drink and can control the points so that I'm not wasting any on some syrupy crap, when I drink a margarita I expect copious amounts of alcohol involved to make a delicious and perfect concoction, that nets about 10 points.

Anyway, what I really wanted to share with you all is that I have surpassed the halfway mark. I have officially lost 24lbs. I am just a chunky monkey again. I can't tell you how amazing I feel to just be "normal". I'm weighing in at 145, 10lbs more than what is healthy for my height. A totally manageable amount of weight to lose before me. I feel so much better.

I can run with so much more ease. Climbing stairs is no biggie. Lugging my 27lb toddler is awesome (I know he wont always want to be held, hell he doesn't want to be held now!). I am no longer wearing ANY of my maternity gear. All the clothes I'm wearing now is my own pre-baby fat clothes I loved too much to get rid of. 

I am starting to see definition in my arms again and even the promise of a waistline! Now don't get me wrong, I have noticed something I was dreading but knew was probably unavoidable. What I look like (specifically what my gut looks like) at 145 is much different (and by different what I mean is flabbier) than what my abs looked like before. Now they're just a sad, embarrassing mess. I'm gonna try hard to tone as much as I can, but also except that it's just different now. I'm older and a human being did take residency in this belly so, as much as I don't love it, I do love that baby and myself so, that's that.

Ok, so here's the new update of my next milestones:

1 lb to lose and hit 25 (where I'll get a Nifty charm from WW)

7lbs to hit the weight I was at the doctors appointment when I learned I was with child.

10lbs to hit my the healthy weight range! 

18lbs to hit goal. 

So the next update will come once I hit goal and start the maintenance part of my life. 

When I rejoined WW with my good friend, nursing student, we decided that this time the goal isn't the weight. It is to learn from our mistakes, and change. This time, we need to figure out why we do, what we do, and just stop doing THAT. 

So easy to say. SO hard to do. But I am really, really trying. 

To be truly honest with myself and just be different. I'm tiered of giving in to my weaknesses. It's time to be the best me, because I love myself, because I want to be healthy and because I want Animal to have a great example.

I'm excited to change. 

TT Expert Advice

This week it's my job to give you advice on something that I am an expert at.

I asked the hubby what he thought I could give advice about. What am I really good at? His suggestion?

"You're really good at being passive aggressive", he said.

Well.

As good as I can be at that, it doesn't seem like the kind of advise any of you are looking for.

Then he said, "You're really good at being prepared".

"How so?", I asked because I was honestly surprised by his answer and figured he was being sarcastic.

So he totally surprised me with some sweet words on how I handle situations as they are arising as examples. For instance, I had been petrified of ever having a baby, since fifth grade when I watched a birth video in sex ed. When I discovered that I was growing a human, I was so happy and so scared. So I started doing what I do best.

Researching!

When faced with an important decision, I find that the only way to move forward is to learn as much as possible. Think about how I would feel and then go with my gut. I try to anticipate any surprises, so that I can be prepared to change my plans if I need to. I don't want to be completely caught off guard. So here's how to come up with a birth plan, like a boss.

First if your terrified like me, find out what a doula is, what she does and hire one.

Next, or first if you are not terrified. Start researching. Research everything.

Start with who you want to deliver your baby.

Watch documentaries. Read books. Google. Talk to moms. Visit baby center.

Download some birth plans and then research everything on those plans, especially all the things that the mom to be would like to avoid.

Listen to every one's advice but make your own choices based on what's best for you and your family. Talk to your partner. You should agree on as much as possible.

Once you have planned what you ideally hope for, start talking about what you will do if something unexpected happens. Like if you don't want to be induced, but your 10 days over due. At what point do say uncle? What if you plan to get straight to the hospital and get an epidural, but you get to the hospital and your Dr says it's too late, no drugs for you, how will you cope?

Go over your plan with your Dr, they may have a compelling argument to change your mind about some idea you have. Or you may have to give a compelling argument about it being your body, your baby and your choices. Either way, you want your Dr.s green light.

A birth plan is not a concrete plan set in stone, it is a just a guide for as many scenarios as possible. So that you can have some reassurance knowing that if something less than ideal happens, everyone there knows how you would like the situation handled, when you were cool headed and not in the throes of pain or a heightened emotional state.

When my water broke, I was ready for whatever adventure I was about to have. I had spent a better part of my life being terrified of child birth, but I was totally calm the last few weeks leading up to my sons birth. Because I felt prepared for any surprise.


This post is part of a multi blogger collaboration. To read more expert advice or share your own, just click the TT button.

ABC'S Of Running

This week I wrote an acrostic poem for Theme Thursday, on the track this morning I went from A to Z thinking about what I love about running. The things I do, the things I think, and the things I feel. This is just an Ode to my love, running...

The ABC'S of Running

Achievment
Breath
Calories burnt
Distance
Excitement at goals reached
Fundamentals
Goals made, goals reached
Health
Impossible made possible
Joy
Kilometers vs. miles
Love of body, love of mind
Mantras make the miles go faster
Never quitting
Obstacles overcome
Power
Quest to be my best
Respect for myself, respect for my body, respect for my God
Strong heart
The strong, get stronger (my mantra)
Universal, humans are just born to run
Victorious
Walk, when you can't run
X-rays, if you suspect a fracture
Yesterday disappearing as you work for something new today 
Zzzzz you'll need, and if your a parent, hopefully the Zzz's you'll get

if I just look upwards, it's all I need to forget I'm running ovals

Parenting Fail #75

I have something to confess.

I've mentioned here, and here, maybe a few other times that we don't put children's programming on for Animal, and that's not a lie. I really wanted to follow the AAP recommendation of no television until 2 years old. I've told my family, and Animal's babysitters and it's the rule we abide by in our home.

We do watch TV so it's not like he's not exposed to it, and he does watch minutes here and there. Also when I have to trim his nails we'll put on a Yo Gabba Gabba or Sesame Street video on our smart phones.

Our favorite song- Don't Bite Your Friends

But, my mom, who watches Animal 5 days a week, 9.5 hrs a day. Puts on Nick Jr for anywhere from 1-2hrs a day (maybe more, for all I know). He doesn't really watch whole shows, but he does watch a few minutes here and there, of shows he likes, while he plays.

I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't say anything because my mom is older, and tiered and my son is a lot to handle. I know. If it makes her day easier I don't want to complain. We all watched TV, and other than being coach potatoes, we're all cool. None of us had/have ADHD which is what I'm scared of, so...

In the last two weeks I have put on Nick Jr for 5-10 minutes while I do something, like make his lunch. So that I could do it in peace, without him screaming his head off, or resetting the satellite. I feel terribly guilty each time I do, but I just need 5 minutes of peace. I tell myself that it isn't the norm and he doesn't just plop down and watch it mesmerized. So, maybe it

isn't so bad...

Well last week when I did this, the Hubby made a comment. Something to the effect of me being a hypocrite, because I was doing something I said I wouldn't do. Not in those words, and not even with malice. Just matter of fact. Usually I would smack that kind of remark right down with my own criticism. Maybe, just because I feel so shitty about it. I didn't really respond.

So I don't really know where I am now.

I guess where I am, is in a space of some, but not total resignation.

I just can't entertain him non stop. Sometimes I have shit to do, and sometimes I'm alone or the hubby is just as busy as I am. So I'm  going to use the TV for a few minutes, here and there. I'm not perfect, I tried, and I still wont sit him in front of the television for a whole show. But two isn't that far away...right...

Fantasy Time

available at Macy's

I have this fantasy...

Where I'm a bartender. I love drinking and entertaining, and work well under pressure. I'm friendly and good at making small talk. I can easily relate to people, people like me.

I just think I would make an outstanding bartender.

I can make simple drinks who can't, and we keep well, we used to keep, before we expanded our little family a nicely stocked bar. If we had more expendable cash, my bar would be dangerous.

We used to host these little get together's  where I would practice making a certain new cocktail or a couple of different ones using a certain spirit. I had so much fun doing it, and expanding my repertoire.

The hubby and I are hooked on this show on Spike called Bar Rescue. My favorite part is watching the expert mixologist come up with a new drink menu for the bar they are trying to rescue. I want to take a bartending class so bad, but it's just not in my budget currently.

You gotta check this show out! 

I realize that the whole thing is so tempting because I'm not around drunks. The thing is, I'm a drunk and I don't think I'm an asshole when I drink. In fact I think I'm a fun drunk. But I understand not everyone is like me when they drink. The hours would suck, probably. and if it was a job full of responsibilities, I may not enjoy it as much as I think I would. Not to mention I wouldn't get to do any of the drinking...


So for now, I'll just keep dreaming about the fun I could have making money, making drinks.

TT Poetry

This week our theme is to write an Acrostic poem. At first I was terrified I haven't written a poem since high school. Back when I thought I could write poetry, and did, often. Then when I Googled, I let out a big sigh of relief. I can do this. Without further ado...

Animal

Always on the go

Never stops

Impossible not to love

Mommy's little angel

And the apple of my eye

Lastly, he makes our family complete

This super awesome poetry was brought to you by TT to keep the fun going or show off your own stylistics click the Theme Thursday button!

Lagunitas Sucks Brown Shugga' Substitute Ale Review

I have to come clean about some things before I review this beer. I'm not much of a beer drinker, and I'll tell you why. I want to get the most bang for my calorie buck as possible. With most beer in the 4-5% of alcohol by volume, beer is at the bottom of the drinking totem pole, as far as I'm concerned. So I chose this Lagunitas ale solely on it's alc. 7.85% by vol. content.

Also I must disclose that although I enjoy beer, especially at a summer BBQ, because of it's low alcohol level but high calorie/bloat factor I don't often partake in this beverage.

So all that being said, I was in the mood for a beer with the hubby so I grabbed this cold 6 pack from the Safeway beer section and headed home to enjoy...I hoped.

I tend to shy away from Ale's, but occasionally I find one I like. This one ranks somewhere between Ehh and ok.

Like most pale Ale's I found it on the bitter side. But it had an enjoyable bite. The higher than normal alcohol content helped a lot as did my relatively empty stomach. I got a nice lite buzz after my second and so didn't drink 3 or 4 (which is my norm when partaking in a cold one) So bloated feeling was minimal. Only big downer was that the last sip of both beers was extremely bitter.

If I was headed to a BBQ this weekend I would still be picking up the standard Modelo Especial or Blue Moon (Valencia, one of their tastier seasonals is out right now, just saying...) but if when I arrived this was in the cooler, I would know what I was in for. And I wouldn't cry about it ;p

It's Creeping It's Ugly Head Out Again...

Not to long ago I wrote about my deep dark secret, and how it was maybe better. I didn't know how or why (I thought maybe it had to do with being busy taking care of Animal and loving him so completely) but the monster seemed appeased.

I haven't been writing very much lately. Life has been getting in the way.

Things have been stressful, hard, and busy. I'm tiered, irritated and my husband would say meaner than usual. Whenever that happens to me, I start to really zone out and watch a lot of TV. It's so easy to lose myself. It's so easy to let time fly past me without thinking (too much) when I can just veg out.

The thing is I can't really do that anymore. I'm busy with Animal a lot and that's one ball I WONT drop.

So I find myself standing in my kitchen looking for something to eat. Something sweet. Something that will appease the hole I feel in my soul when I feel ill equipped and inadequate. I'm doing WW right now and so I have a food journal in which to account for every bite that goes in my mouth. I'm taking it very seriously because I want to be the best role model for my son. Having to journal has made me stop and think about what I'm about to do (or not do, I haven't yet really given in), and why.

I want to eat the whole box of cookies. I want to make a batch of pudding and eat all of it. I want to have a couple (2 or 3) big bowls of cereal...

I want everything to just be solved, but sadly I can't solve everything. Sometimes I just have to be patient and know things are going to be hard for a little while longer. I don't have control of everything. Binge eating isn't going to solve anything.

In fact it will make things worse. On top of all the shit I can't fix it will just add to the pile of shit on my plate. (Get it? On my plate)

I realized while I was running the other morning that it wasn't that I hadn't had these moments per say since I got pregnant. It's that since Animals birth I hadn't really curbed my pregnancy appetite. I probably hadn't noticed when I was eating my emotions. I haven't really gone on a binge, that's true enough, but this beast is not gone, it's just been under some guise of control.

I'm at a cross roads. Should I find an OA meeting? Is WW and being conscious enough? I don't know, but I have to figure it out before I can't control it...