This week we're talking about Do Overs! Remember those? Life was so simple when you could just shout out "Do over" after some fail, and just do it again (hopefully land it, stick it, or score upon trying again).
When I read this weeks topic, I knew exactly what I was going to write about.
If there's one thing I wish I could do over, it's college. How I wish I had not taken anytime off, but even more importantly that I had majored in Early Childhood Education. Surprised? (That I didn't major in my field I mean) I got my ECE units before I started any G.E. courses or even picked a major. I had been working with kids for a few years as a teachers assistant and I wanted to be a teacher while I went to school (so I could make more money) but I knew that preschool teachers get little to no respect professionally and make next to nothing, while working really really hard. So that was not going to be worth the years it was going to take me to get my degree.
I majored in Nutrition. I wanted to be a nutritionist. I have a passion for helping people be healthy. I'm a great motivator, listener and most importantly I wasn't some skinny bitch who had no idea what a struggle it can be to make healthy choices and find delicious alternatives for favorite foods.
Then I couldn't pass statistics to save my life, and decided that I loved teaching just as much, so...
I changed my major to History, my favorite subject. A subject that I was sure I could bring to life for high school students. That plan wasn't so much off, as it would take forever. Cost me a lot, and I wasn't sure how I could afford the student teaching portion of the certification. Life of course got in the way, I took a semester off, then two, then more. Only a few classes shy of of getting my AA and being able to transfer.
If I could have a do over, I would major in Early Childhood Education, something I love, something I'm passionate about and something I could have completed before I took time off. I'm director qualified, but only a bad school would want a director that who was minimally qualified. Which means I would only make a little more, but with an insane amount of responsibility. If I had just known then what I know now. I could have my AA in ECE AND be certified. I could be a director at a great school, or a state school, even a group of schools. It would be an insane amount of responsibility, but the pay and hours would be better. Which means I could have provided more for my family AND have more time to be the very involved mom I long to be.
Do over. Do over. If only.
I didn't even begin to write this or think about it again, until this morning. (Always the procrastinator.) I thought about it at about 5 am. Animal woke us up, crying and screaming at 4:45. What the fuck! I went in and checked on him. He stopped crying immediately, I changed his diaper gave him a bottle and walked out. All without speaking. He started crying as soon as I walked out. Both the hubby and I were feeling extremely sleepy, grumpy and really, really shitty, because that what it feels like when your heart lives outside of your body and it's distressed.
I would trade that one big do over for a bunch of little do overs. Where if I had just known that keeping my mouth shut for a minute would mean avoiding a useless, meaningless, stupid minefield of emotions, hurt feelings and angry words I would take it in a heartbeat.
A fucking heartbeat my friends.
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