Thursday, April 25, 2013

Do Over

This week we're talking about Do Overs! Remember those? Life was so simple when you could just shout out "Do over" after some fail, and just do it again (hopefully land it, stick it, or score upon trying again).

When I read this weeks topic, I knew exactly what I was going to write about.

If there's one thing I wish I could do over, it's college. How I wish I had not taken anytime off, but even more importantly that I had majored in Early Childhood Education. Surprised? (That I didn't major in my field I mean) I got my ECE units before I started any G.E. courses or even picked a major. I had been working with kids for a few years as a teachers assistant and I wanted to be a teacher while I went to school (so I could make more money) but I knew that preschool teachers get little to no respect professionally and make next to nothing, while working really really hard. So that was not going to be worth the years it was going to take me to get my degree.

I majored in Nutrition. I wanted to be a nutritionist. I have a passion for helping people be healthy. I'm a great motivator, listener and most importantly I wasn't some skinny bitch who had no idea what a struggle it can be to make healthy choices and find delicious alternatives for favorite foods.

Then I couldn't pass statistics to save my life, and decided that I loved teaching just as much, so...

I changed my major to History, my favorite subject. A subject that I was sure I could bring to life for high school students. That plan wasn't so much off, as it would take forever. Cost me a lot, and I wasn't sure how I could afford the student teaching portion of the certification. Life of course got in the way, I took a semester off, then two, then more. Only a few classes shy of of getting my AA and being able to transfer.

If I could have a do over, I would major in Early Childhood Education, something I love, something I'm passionate about and something I could have completed before I took time off. I'm director qualified, but only a bad school would want a director that who was minimally qualified. Which means I would only make a little more, but with an insane amount of responsibility. If I had just known then what I know now. I could have my AA in ECE AND be certified. I could be a director at a great school, or a state school, even a group of schools. It would be an insane amount of responsibility, but the pay and hours would be better. Which means I could have provided more for my family AND have more time to be the very involved mom I long to be.

Do over. Do over. If only.

I didn't even begin to write this or think about it again, until this morning. (Always the procrastinator.) I thought about it at about 5 am. Animal woke us up, crying and screaming at 4:45. What the fuck! I went in and checked on him. He stopped crying immediately, I changed his diaper gave him a bottle and walked out. All without speaking. He started crying as soon as I walked out. Both the hubby and I were feeling extremely sleepy, grumpy and really, really shitty, because that what it feels like when your heart lives outside of your body and it's distressed.

I would trade that one big do over for a bunch of little do overs. Where if I had just known that keeping my mouth shut for a minute would mean avoiding a useless, meaningless, stupid minefield of emotions, hurt feelings and angry words I would take it in a heartbeat.

A fucking heartbeat my friends.


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23 comments:

  1. Is this one of those situations where you can go back now? That would be nice...

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  2. How much more do you need to do? Could you take online or night classes? You can still do this over!

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    1. 6 classes, changing my major might mean a few more, but I can do both online and a Saturday or night class. I will be doing this one that's why I might trade for a few (lots) of little ones

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  3. History is my favorite subject also. It’s probably the only class that I really listened to the teacher and did awesome on the state regions exam. I always say I'll go back to college when (insert a dozen possibilities) but I have yet to go back. It’s so hard to go back once you stop but you should if you can.

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    1. History is the best, isn't it.

      There's always a reason why I might want to wait, but now I have the most important reason to do it anyway.

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  4. Hey this sounds familiar... ;-) Let's do over our majors together, shall we? We'll find a rich anonymous benefactor and go back to school together. Then we'll open our own preschool and be the early childhood shizz.

    It sucks that experience speaks little, and that they want a piece of paper over being a good educator! I know how you feel, I've gone through it on almost a daily basis.

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    1. The most frustrating part is I know if they saw me in action I'd be hired. Let's do it, where's the fucking time machine!

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  5. One class at a time. It's never too late and the good thing is that because of your experience, once the education is out of the way, you will be more than desirable! As for the waiting one minute before saying something...we are human. Regardless of how much we try to avoid, things like this creep out every once in a while.

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    1. I know, and that's how I'm gonna get it done.

      being human sucks sometimes...

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  6. I think it's awesome that you actually get to do this do-over! Going back to school is hard but when you are motivated, I'm sure you will do well!

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    1. Yeah, can't turn back time. But I can accomplish this goal still :)

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  7. I want to do college over not because I fucked it up, but because it was SO MUCH FUN.

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    1. Well color me green, that means you did it right!!!

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  8. I too want a do over on college, however, your last paragraph nails it for me. Those heartbeat moments are always the one I want to shout "Do over!!" and get the chance to do it again, kinder and quieter. (Usually... I have a few where I should have had a freaking meltdown but didn't...) Love this! Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. Can I just say when I read your post, I was like oh my gosh,I'm not the only one! I feel you sister. I feel you.

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  9. College do-overs are coming up a lot - it's just so hard to make such major decisions when you are young and stupid. I'm already worrying about my kids; they are pressured so early to pick what they want to study.

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    1. I know, and that's exactly the problem. hard to make this kind of choice w/o life experience!

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  10. I feel you on the school thing! But yea those little do overs...those moments that happen in the blink of an eye! Those are the worst!

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    1. For sure, nothing good ever comes from those moments. And it's NEVER to late to go back to school :)

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  11. The little do-overs are the ones I always wish for. I can't point to any one big thing I would change in my life, but I wish I could take back a lot of words.

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    1. Sometimes those stupid little words can really fuck some shit up, and there's just no taking them back...

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