Thursday, April 11, 2013

TT Expert Advice

This week it's my job to give you advice on something that I am an expert at.

I asked the hubby what he thought I could give advice about. What am I really good at? His suggestion?

"You're really good at being passive aggressive", he said.

Well.

As good as I can be at that, it doesn't seem like the kind of advise any of you are looking for.

Then he said, "You're really good at being prepared".

"How so?", I asked because I was honestly surprised by his answer and figured he was being sarcastic.

So he totally surprised me with some sweet words on how I handle situations as they are arising as examples. For instance, I had been petrified of ever having a baby, since fifth grade when I watched a birth video in sex ed. When I discovered that I was growing a human, I was so happy and so scared. So I started doing what I do best.

Researching!

When faced with an important decision, I find that the only way to move forward is to learn as much as possible. Think about how I would feel and then go with my gut. I try to anticipate any surprises, so that I can be prepared to change my plans if I need to. I don't want to be completely caught off guard. So here's how to come up with a birth plan, like a boss.

First if your terrified like me, find out what a doula is, what she does and hire one.

Next, or first if you are not terrified. Start researching. Research everything.

Start with who you want to deliver your baby.

Watch documentaries. Read books. Google. Talk to moms. Visit baby center.

Download some birth plans and then research everything on those plans, especially all the things that the mom to be would like to avoid.

Listen to every one's advice but make your own choices based on what's best for you and your family. Talk to your partner. You should agree on as much as possible.

Once you have planned what you ideally hope for, start talking about what you will do if something unexpected happens. Like if you don't want to be induced, but your 10 days over due. At what point do say uncle? What if you plan to get straight to the hospital and get an epidural, but you get to the hospital and your Dr says it's too late, no drugs for you, how will you cope?

Go over your plan with your Dr, they may have a compelling argument to change your mind about some idea you have. Or you may have to give a compelling argument about it being your body, your baby and your choices. Either way, you want your Dr.s green light.

A birth plan is not a concrete plan set in stone, it is a just a guide for as many scenarios as possible. So that you can have some reassurance knowing that if something less than ideal happens, everyone there knows how you would like the situation handled, when you were cool headed and not in the throes of pain or a heightened emotional state.

When my water broke, I was ready for whatever adventure I was about to have. I had spent a better part of my life being terrified of child birth, but I was totally calm the last few weeks leading up to my sons birth. Because I felt prepared for any surprise.


This post is part of a multi blogger collaboration. To read more expert advice or share your own, just click the TT button.

18 comments:

  1. Did you intentionally leave out the part where no baby abides by their mother's birth plan, ever? ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, yeah plenty of ppl will tell the mom to be that piece of advice. I planned on laboring at home with my hubby and doula for hours before heading to the hospital if I could get the Drto wait and not induce after my due date. then Animal showed up earl, we were in the hospital 2hrs later and he was born within 5hrs of checking in! But I was fearless because I felt prepared...

      Delete
  2. I tried to come up with a birth plan, and instead of my doctor working with me, she scoffed at me and said birth plans were worthless. She made a nervous first time mom feel like a fool.

    Don't ever let a doctor do that to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's terrible. The nurses in L&D did the same to me, and did not believe my Dr signed off on my "worthless" plan, she is notorious for taking charge, but I convinced her I would abide by her expertise, if she would abide by our wishes when no medical intervention was necessary. She smirked, but agreed.

      That is wonderful advice "Don't ever let a doctor do that to you"!

      Delete
  3. I love that he said you are good at being passive aggressive! Sounds like he has a streak himself! :) I am totally passive aggressive and manipulative. It's terrible but so effective.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right!?!

      And agreed, terrible but effective!

      Delete
  4. I love your husband's reaction. Sounds like something mine would say. I think I'm glad I went the route I did and didn't ask him what I could give good advice about. He'd probably say something like "NOT cleaning your house".

    Having some sort of plan in mind-very important when you're having a baby, because you just never know!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Not cleaning the house! You and I should hangout, we have so much in common, if you tell me you're a lush too I'll think we might be soul mates ;)

      Delete
  5. Great advice, I think a Birth Plan is always a good idea, it doesn't have to be rigid but it works as a starting point and for me, it helped me to think about and be explicit about what I definitely did NOT want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, and you just never know. Better to have ppl snicker, but not feel like you didn't have A choice about this super moment in your/your baby's life!

      Delete
  6. I'm a researcher too. You are right; researching and planning makes me feel prepared and then I can relax and enjoy instead of stressing about all the what ifs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm a total researcher (teacher, after all!) but I have a tendency to get sidetracked by all the horrible worst case scenarios...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too, especially at first. But I'm also a firm believer in Murphy's Law, so once I'd decided what I was gonna do in all the scenarios I hoped to avoid, I believed I would avoid them. It was very calming (around month 6, before that I was really caught up in all the scary what ifs)

      Delete
  8. This is great advice! However, I have learned that I prefer to go into things blindly. When I was pregnant with my second son (first is adopted so I didn't have to go through all of that pregnancy and labor crap :) ), my husband would sit up in bed at night and read all about "transitions" during labor, etc., etc. He would try to read some out loud and I would plug my ears and shake my head and go, "Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to know!!!" So that's how we handled that, and it worked out well--especially since I was all juiced up with epidural. :) Hey, on another note, guess what I recently did? Ran my first half marathon!! Good time, too--about a 10 minute pace. But now I'm just bragging. Hehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, well we all have our own ways. sounds like you weren't terrified, and didn't want to be ;)

      That (half) is fucking AWESOME!!! props to you, are you hooked? my first (and only 2:13:43) almost same pace but I had to stop and wait for a porta potty (disgusting BTW) I was training for my next one when I got knocked up. I have one planned for this fall. I'll let you all know how it goes...

      Delete
  9. As a passive aggressive researcher, I loved this post. Although I have to admit when it came to birth plans, I didn't do any of that (although I über planned everything else). I remember telling the OB at one of the final appts - "I keep reading that I'm supposed to discuss my birth plan with you, but honestly I have no idea what I'll want when it happens - although I do want an epidural". 3 kids later, no birth plans ever. I'm not knocking it, but honestly for someone like me who likes to be in control it was kind of nice to let things happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe because I was so scared, but I really wanted to go sans epi, if I ever got pregnant again I would be way less anal about it all.

      Delete