TT Mouthfulls

This weeks Theme Thursday topic, is weird, sweet, silly or gross, depending on your personal experience. It's very likely been all of those things. Ready? 

"Things I've Had in My Mouth Since Becoming a Parent." 

Let me begin by saying, I have had lots of wonderful things in my mouth since becoming a mommy. Like chubby little baby arms. Soft little fingers. Meaty legs. Perfect little feet. And tiny toes.

Even though I had a bouncy baby boy, I have been very fortunate to date. Nothing as disgusting as poop or pee pee. Lucky me, I know. BUT my son has already managed to get snot all over his fingers and into my mouth. So there's that.

He loves to put his hands into my mouth his sharp little razors nails have left the inside of my mouth full of little knicks.  I don't know why, except for the occasional sweep to take something he's managed to find on the floor out of HIS mouth. We, DO NOT put our fingers in his mouth. Come to think of it, who knows what disgusting germs, dust, dirt, or other have been on those grubby little mitts of his that have ended up in my mouth.

Also breast milk. I had never tasted, never wanted to, and was not at all curious about it. Until I had a little baby. Anyway I spilled some on my hand one day when I was taking the pumping equipment off and I got a little curious, I had read it was sweet. It was. Kind of reminded me of an Horchata, in case you wondered. It also squirted in my eye once. OUCH.

The grossest thing though, was around the time the baby was 2 months old. I had finished feeding him and was trying to burp him. I moved him off my shoulder and held him up in front of me.

"Animal, do you have any burps in there?" I said.

He smiled so sweetly, and then spit up all over me. In my hair, face, mouth and chest. I was shocked. Screamed the hubby came running. First he laughed, then he grabbed my a burp cloth and took the baby so I could clean myself up. YUCK. 

There you have it. The sweet, weird, silly and gross. 




This post is a part of Theme Thursday, a multi-blog collaboration. Click the button below to read posts from other bloggers, or to add your own

PSA: Bargain Shopping No-No

Sample Offenders

As a preschool teacher of a two year old class for 15 years, I have used almost every brand of diaper. So I'm going to fill you in on a little nugget of information.

Off brand diapers aren't worth the pennies (couple of bucks) you are saving.

Unless you, and only you change your child's diaper each and every time. Or your family is going through a real economic hardship were EVERY penny really matters. There is no reason to inflict these disasters of poorly constructed, aren't fooling anyone, "diapers", on any person.

These ill fitting, thinner than paper "diapers" (and I'm looking at you Target) will NOT hold in a messy number 2, sometimes they wont even keep in urine.

Moms on a budget, I feel your pain. The hubby and I are working stiffs and believe me I hate to shell out the 21 something dollars per pack, per week, per month. I don't even let myself do the math anymore. I have had to let go of a lot of luxuries, like pants that fit, so that I can buy Huggies Pure and Natural, every time.

My experience has taught me some things about skimping on important basics like a good diaper. If you do not heed my advice you can be sure of a few things...

1. There WILL be shit (everywhere).

2. There will be even MORE laundry.

3. Other people who are forced to change your child's diaper WILL resent/judge your spending choices.

4. Switching to off brand for potty training, will yield the same disgusting results. Sorry you gotta continue to pony up the big bucks till your little pooper is done.

There is a silver lining. Costco. Kirkland brand diapers, come in bulk, are cheaper and high quality.

Your Welcome.

Update: Now that Animal is a toddler we finally made the jump to Kirkland brand diapers. This is a very exciting development because I can buy his diapers in those amazing bulk packs that come with those even more amazing bulk prices!

This could not have come at a better time, Huggies decided to start packaging their Pure and Natural brand diapers in cardboard boxes and hiking the price up five bucks a pop, we were down to 3 boxes a month (instead of weekly) but still that's SEVENTY FIVE dollars a month! Versus my new price of 38.99 for the giant box at Costco, that last for a whole month! Thank you Costco, the membership truly pays itself in diaper savings, not to mention they have a coupon like every other booklet, saving me an additional six dollars every other month.


 This post was brought to you by the letter 'S'. Also this was an old post re-edited and updated. I'm multitasking like a Mo Fo. Thanks for coming by :)

TT Bad Trip

This week's theme is Disaster Vacation. 

Problem. We haven't planned or gone on a vacation since Animal has been born. The vacations the Hubby and I have had, have been lovely with few bumps in the road. 

Check out what kinds of mayhem other bloggers have encountered on their less than perfect getaways by clicking the link below: 

Just kidding...

I did have a few less than ideal vacations, before baby I could write about... but instead I've decided to take a little carte blanche with this theme, and go from worst vacation disaster, to worst trip disaster. Also I'm going to take a little liberty with the word trip to include anytime I've left the house with Animal.

My worst disaster happened the day after I brought my son home from the hospital. He was 3 days old and I was not only recovering from the most amazing/painful event of my life but I was running on fumes.

While I was having some soup my mom had made me, my phone rang. 

It was the pediatrician's office calling. They said we had to come in NOW. I was too tiered to understand the urgency apparently because I asked what time we should be there and she said, "right now." I told my mom and we packed the baby up in his car seat and headed out the door.

When we got there it was about 3ish, they took us to the baby waiting room and told me to strip my son so that he could be weighed. I had him in his tiny newborn diaper when the nurse came in and she told me to remove that as well. I then realized that, on this our first trip out of our home, I had not brought a diaper bag. I had no diapers, or wipes. No extra clothes. And because he was naked, he was now cold and had wet his one and only diaper. I told the nurse what had happened and she thought I was a complete moron went to see if they had any samples I could have.

While she was gone. My mom was like WTF? Really you forgot the diaper bag? 

I was super lame and mumbled something about never having had a baby before and being too sleepy to remember. She was sympathetic and said I'm sorry I thought you had stuff in the car. YOU ALWAYS KEEP EXTRA DIAPERS IN THE CAR. Well thanks mom, that would have been great advice before we drove anywhere.

So the nurse comes back with a gigantic diaper for a five year old or something. We weigh the baby. He's an even 6 lbs now. I can't believe how tiny my son is.

They take us to an examination room to wait for the doctor. Animal is wrapped in a receiving blanket because We've been asked to keep him naked for the doctor. He pees in his blanket and on my moms lap. I don't have another receiving blanket on me so my mom wraps him in her hoodie. 

We see the doctors P.A., she explains that they have received the culture they took of one of his eyes and he needs an antibiotic ointment. We have to pick up it now and we also have to get lab work done, right now (it's Friday afternoon so no labs will be open the following day). 

The baby poops on my moms leg. Grandma is loving me right now. She happens to live super close and we have a lot of baby supplies at her house so we stop there before heading to the hospital lab where they have sent us. Which BTW 3 minutes from my moms house. 

We can't find parking and when we do the lab door is locked. 5 minutes early. I call the doctors office, they call the lab. We can see the lab person on the phone with my doctors office. They refuse to see us. My doctors office sends us to another lab up the street. It's not covered by our insurance, but the doctors office says don't worry we'll have a confirmation number faxed to them before you get there, it's an emergency.

Up until this point, no one had used those words. And at that moment my heart sank and I was filled with this urgency I had never in my life felt.

We get to lab. And they draw 4 tubes of blood. 4 tubes from my tiny six pound baby. I cry like a baby. My son is super baby and only let's out one loud cry. My heart is shattering.

We go to pharmacy to pick up prescription. I drop my mom off. The hubby is home from work and waiting for us and I tell him everything. 

As we sit and try to eat dinner, our son sleeping in his car seat. My phone rings again, it's his doctor. The lab wont have the results fast enough she says. She tells me to drop everything and take my baby to NICU where Dr. So and So will be waiting for us.

We feel like we've been punched in the stomach. All the air sucked out of us.

We get to the NICU where the doctor asks us a lot of questions and tells us the blood work will all be repeated, and their lab will have results by the next morning. They want to make sure he doesn't have a blood infection that could lead to meningitis. It so hard to listen. I catch that he thinks the baby is fine and he sees no reason we wont go home tomorrow. I'm an optimistic kind of person. My husband is a pessimist. He hears that his son could die of meningitis. 

We ask if we can spend the night because I'm breastfeeding. He says yes. We stay in a room in that wing. I read and sign A LOT of paperwork. I'm so grateful for it. I can't think. I pray, I cry, I try to sleep. I feed my son every few hours. Sometime in the wee hours of the mourning just as the nurse was finishing her shift, she tells me the results are back. They are negative. She says "I think you'll go home later. That was the worst case scenario."

Sometime I may write all about this night. 

But for today, I'll fast forward to the morning. When the sucky nurse told me "The doctor will get to your baby when she can. There are some really sick babies here."

 What a bitch! I understood, but what was my baby doing there if he wasn't sick? I started to cry and said,"I understand it's just I don't actually know my son is ok, the doctor hasn't talked to me yet and last night the doctor said he didn't see why my son wouldn't be released today. And I just want to know if my son really is ok and I can take him home" She probably realized she was being pretty insensitive because I got to see the doctor within the hour. 

They diagnosed my son with a blocked tear duct, and we were home by 2ish that afternoon. It was the worst trip ever! I hope it remains this way. 

To hear some vacation nightmares click HERE

Boys and Baby Dolls

Every time we pass by baby dolls Animal smiles and gets excited. He doesn't have siblings. And he doesn't have family or friends his age. And as I've mentioned he can be a little aggressive.

When I saw his interest in the baby dolls I thought to myself, awesome, we can use the baby to help Animal learn to be gentle.

So this weekend while the hubby and I were shopping we passed some baby dolls and Animal got excited. I picked up a doll and handed it to him. He touched it's face gently and I knew I had to buy it for him.

Hubby: Why are you letting him play with that.

Me: Because he wants a baby, so I'm going to buy it for him.

Hubby: He doesn't want that, he wants any toy you show him. (he picks up a wrestler plush toy and puts it side by side with baby) which toy do you like Animal?

Baby touch's them both. Looks back and forth for a minute or so. Then grabs the baby again.

Me: See he wants a baby. It's good for him, he needs to learn to be gentle.

Hubby: (not convinced) Well can you get the one in purple pajamas instead of pink?

Me: (rolling eyes) Sure. Here you go Animal, hold your baby.

Animal loves it, holds all the way to register.

When we get home I take tags off and wipe down before I let him play with his baby.

Hubby: Why is a baby good for a boy?

I'm a little annoyed this is still an issue for the hubs. He's not a sexist, and I know it's a baby doll, but come on. He doesn't think it's weird that our niece collects Hot Wheels.

Me: It's a teaching tool. He can learn how to treat others this way.

Hubby: Show me the studies that say that's true.

Me: Google it. Believe me, you'll find them.

Hubby: Ok, Ok. I'm sure your right.

Me: I am.

I remember that my niece has a stroller in her toy box at our place. I run to grab it and bring it back to the living room. The hubby takes Animal's baby and puts it in stroller. Animal is thrilled and starts walking around the room happily pushing his baby.

Hubby: (excited) Look he knew what to do!

Me: Of course, he's doing it just like daddy.

My husband sits back, smiling watching his son play daddy. Animal sits in front of stroller and starts to chatter away to his baby.

Hubby: Does his baby have a bottle? Maybe he wants to feed him?

The Red Tent

Tonight I went with a friend to The Red Tent, if you have never been to such an event I suggest you Google and see if you are fortunate enough to live near one of these amazing events.

A woman I know, who hosts these transformational events had been inviting me for some time. I don't quite remember what it was that finally made me want to go, but I am forever grateful that I did. I invited a good friend and she too is glad she went, and continues to go whenever possible. In fact anyone who has ever accepted an invite to attend has never regretted coming.

The host closes every event by reading Imagine A Woman if you have never read this poem, click the link, read and then continue reading this post. Go ahead I'll wait....

Ok, isn't that awesome. Some of those things I already do, am. But some of those things I struggle with and some of those things I forget. Red Tent evenings give me a chance to connect with other women but more importantly to myself and to the human experience.

Tonight the topic was Gratitude and if you follow me you know I have spent this month participating in The Insomniacs Dream thankfulness challenge. But it was extra special to share with my good friend that I am grateful for her, and to witness other women's gratitude moments with their good friends, their support systems, and their role models. I have in my own gratitude posts shared some of the people I am grateful for, my hubby, my son, my mom, and the original ladies of Theme Thursdays,  but I realized tonight just how many other people I am grateful for. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life, I bet you are too. This is an especially wonderful time to tell them. I don't mean the holiday season, I mean the present. There is never a better time than the present to tell our loved ones that we love them.

Thank you Red Tent.

30 Days of Thankfulness 3rd edition

As some of you now the talented writer at The Insomniacs Dream  put out a challenge to write and post daily about something different everyday that you are grateful for. I decided to join the fun and accept this challenge. I'm writing everyday and posting my week long journal each Friday this month.

11/10/12

Naptime.

I am oh so grateful for naptime.

Once upon a time. Naptimes were a rare occurrence in our home. Now thanks to Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child it is a rare occasion when a nap is missed. Sure this means our life's revolve around a nap schedule, but now mommy and daddy get a little break. And Animal gets much needed rest so that he is the cutest, happiest, most awesome little toddler instead of a red eyed terror that spends his day screaming, fussing and wearing mommy and daddy out long before bedtime. Thank you Dr. Weisbluth for writing your book. Thank you Amazon parents for taking the time to write reviews. Thank you HTC /Google Books/T Mobile for making it possible to get book immediately.

11/11/12

Today I am grateful to advise nurses. Without you I would have spent the morning trying to decide if I needed to take Animal to ER or if I could wait until tomorrow for doctors office to be open. I was pretty sure I could wait, but better safe than sorry...


11/12/12

Today I am grateful for health insurance. Every time I have to bring my son to the doctors office I am struck with this realization that a great deal of parents in this country have to consider whether they can afford to take their child to the doctor. Things are tight in my home, I can't always provide Animal with everything I want for him. But I am so, so fortunate that when he is ill, when he needs preventitive care, when I'm just not sure, I don't have to wonder what I will do. I just pick up there phone and call his doctors office. I wish I could make that a reality for every parent.


11/13/12

Today I am grateful for my mom. I am so lucky to have such a great mom. I didn't appreciate her when I was a kid. As an adult I'm glad we're friends. I'm so lucky that she can care for Animal while I am at work. I hate to be away from him, but I'm so lucky to have peace of mind knowing my heart is with her.


11/14/12

Today I am grateful for a fever free day! Yay!

Almost better. Less snot. Yay!

No medicine before bed. Yay!

No follow up visit to make sure it wasn't anything worse than a bad, bad cold. Yay!


11/15/12

Today I'm grateful for payday. Bills, Bills, Bills. Now I can pay them.

11/16/12

Today I'm so grateful for a healthy child. We were so lucky that everything went well all of my pregnancy. So blessed that there were no complications at birth. So incredibly fortunate that other than one frightening trip to the NICU (the most surreal, horrific hrs of our lifes) Animal has been healthy. He's had 2 bad colds, 1 little cold, and this last weekend's cold with a fever. I am so grateful and also feel pretty guilty. It's so unfair that some babies, some mommies, some families don't have it this easy. I am apparently in a Debbie Downer kind of mood. Sorry

Just One

If you could impress one lesson, ideal, or moral on your children, what would it be?

Just one? How can I possibly pick just one thing? I have been mulling it over all week. There are so many things I hope to teach my son...

In the end I decided that if I could choice only one thing to impress upon him, it would be this: THINK FOR YOURSELF!

It is so hard to think for yourself in this world. Every where you turn you are bombarded with messages.

Messages telling you how to feel about everything. 

Politics, religion, war, history, pop culture, music, art, other people that are not like you. Nothing is off the table, there is no area left unmarked by others opinions. If you can't think for your self, follow your own moral compass then are you even really living?

What you should want out of life and how you should live it. 

From what to wear, what to drive, what to want, to who to love.

We don't take these things  seriously enough, but they are a threat to our happiness. If you can't think for your self, follow your own dreams you'll always be searching to be filled by someone else's wants and desires, then you'll always be empty. 

We all make mistakes, and if your going to make mistakes, shouldn't they be your own? Not even our mistakes belong to us when we can't think for ourselves.

Want to know what one lesson, ideal or moral other bloggers want to impress on there offspring? Click  here or here

Is She...

Animal's Dr never seems to remember him. It makes me a little crazy, the last two times we where there, she started with questions like, "Is she standing on her own?" Or "Is she drinking whole milk?

When I answer "He is..." She doesn't comment on her mistake, but corrects herself from then on. I'm not sure if it's the name on the chart that throws her. Animal has an original name, maybe she thinks it could be a girl's name. But he looks like a boy and hasn't worn anything gender neutral since he was 3 months old. No one, his whole life has ever said, "Is it a boy or a girl". Probably because he looked like a little old man when he was born and he just doesn't look a girl. She's been his doctor since he was born, and though she has many patients, how many has she sent to NICU for a bunch a blood work after releasing from the hospital?

Anyway, Animal got his first fever Saturday night. It lasted all weekend so I took him in yesterday. His Dr wasn't available, so we saw the other Dr in her office. I don't care for that Dr, once when at a well baby visit we saw her instead, she kept us waiting 1 hr with a naked baby. She didn't apologize, she just said "those kids were REALLY sick". She spent a grand total of 3 minutes with us before she sent the nurse in to vaccinate our little guy.

A month later when I called for some advice, I talked to that Dr again. This was our conversation:

Dr A: What his diet like?

Me: He is still EBF.

Dr A: why?

Me: We're waiting till he's six months old to introduce solids.

Dr A: Give me one good reason to wait until then?

Me: I say something, the first thing that comes to my mind, because she caught me off guard. (So even though the hubby and I have at least half a dozen reasons, that we went over for months, and I spent a lot of time researching, this wasn't a decision we came to lightly) I came off as weak.

Dr A: That's not a good reason, he needs at least baby cereal.

I don't have warm fuzzy feelings about this Dr, and as luck would have it she was the only one with an open slot and we had to come in.

 As I sat in the office waiting for the receptionist to bring in my receipt for co pay I watched Animal busy himself with the blocks in examination room. I contemplate again if it's time to find a new pediatrician. I had really hoped he could have one Dr for his whole childhood, but...

Cindy (what we'll call the receptionist) comes back and says: I can't believe how big he's gotten. I remember how small he was the first time you brought him in.

 Me: Yeah, he was so small I could hardly believe he'd ever be big.

 Cindy: Remember the mess with the lab work?

 Me: It was so scary.

Cindy: Look at him now though, this is his first sick visit, and he hardly looks sick. She leaves shortly after.

Thank you Cindy for remembering my son. The nurses and receptionist are great
there. Maybe we'll stay...

30 days of Thankfulness 2nd Edition

As some of you now the talented writer at The Insomniacs Dream  put out a challenge to write and post daily about something different everyday that you are grateful for. I decided to join in the fun and accept this challenge. I'm writing everyday and posting my week long journal each Friday this month.

11/4/12

Today I am oh so grateful for my son. He is the apple of my eye, truly. I love his smile, his mischief, his soft skin. I love to hear him yell, and babble. I love to see him gain new abilities and to be in awe of his strength. If this guys not a linebacker, or a UFC fighter I will be shocked.

I love to see him look at his dads paintings. When he was a fussy baby I would hold him up in front of his dads work and he would stop crying and smile. Ok, ok he could be an artist and I wouldn't be surprised.

He's so friendly, he loves to smile, a mischievous kind of smile, at strangers, but especially children. He never cries when I leave him, but he always squeals with delight when I come to pick him up.

Today the hubby bought him a samba set and pulled out all but the Guiro figuring he was to young to play with it. I showed him how it worked and put it back in the box. Later that day he pulled it out and used it the right way! Running the stick along grooves to make music and then hitting along groove to make rhythmic beats. I might just be reaching but he loves music (I know, I know, all kids do) and it fills me with joy to see him having such a good time.

As I held him tonight and nursed him, I tried to memorize the weight and warmth of his body as he laid in my arms. These moments will be gone before I know it and I hope that I have treasured them to there fullest. I read in some magazine when my son was just a week or two old, "When things are tough remember that this is not forever just for now, may it give you patience and calm to get through those moments. And when things are wonderful stop and remember this is not forever, just for now. Take the time to remember everything about that moment because it will be gone before you know it". I'm paraphrasing. But never was anything more true, and when things are tough, that is just what I tell myself. And when things are wonderful like tonight I try so hard to remember everything down to his scent. This year flew by and I look foward to so many things to come. But oh what I wouldn't give to hold onto right now...

11/5/12

Today I am grateful for lazy football Sundays. The predictability of the pre-game show on FOX, eating bar food, having a couple of drinks. Cheering and booing as the case may be. I used to get a nap when the afternoon game was on CBS, how can anyone make football boring? I don't know, but CBS figured it out. Any way those days are gone now that we have the NFL ticket. Only taking a break from football if The Walking Dead is on, and then falling asleep to ESPN's NFL Wrap Up. The fall rocks! GO REDSKINS!

11/6/12

Today I am grateful for having a job I love. It's great when Monday morning rolls around and I'm not at all dreading having to go to work.

11/7/12

Today I am grateful for Rachel Maddow. What would I do if I couldn't watch election day coverage with you? What if I couldn't get my dose of the politico from you? What if I was forced to watch CNN or worse yet, FOX NEWS? Thank you Rachel for being you!

11/8/12

Today I am grateful for the ladies, especially Jenn, of  Theme Thursdays. I've learned so much. I am enjoying my love for writing, by actually writing. I can't say thanks enough for including me, showing me the ropes and for not showing any outer frustrations at my lack of knowledge. I don't really have many mommy friends, or at least I didn't, but now I feel like I do. :)

11/9/12

Today I am so grateful for all the parents who showed up early to pick their children up, so that I could be a little early to pick up my baby tonight. When your away from your kids all day, any extra time before putting them to bed is much appreciated! Getting to hold him and play with him those extra few was wonderful

TT Post Baby Sex

DISCLAIMER: If you know me IRL, you do not want to read the following post. Also if you find this subject distasteful you also want to skip this post and you may instead wish to peruse through my home page and find a post title more to your sensibilities. I understand, no hard feelings.


Well my Theme Thursday Cohorts came up with a real fun topic for this week, Post baby sex. More specifically "How Kids Kill Your Sex Life". I could just make a list I guess, but you can likely imagine the things on the list and it seems more generic as I am not witty, or that clever.

Before having Animal, my sex life was highly satisfactory. I got it often and Mr.Libido, as the hubby will be referred to for this post, can lay it down. I was a happy and frequent customer.

Now, having been married for 9 years prior to the little cock blocker, as my DS will be referred to in this post, it was not super spontaneous, or all night any longer. But occasionally it would be all day. Spontaneity is somewhat over rated. Sure it adds excitement, but not everywhere is as comfy as my bed, and not every position is ideal to get me to that awesome place that keeps the Mrs. wanting to offer the Mr. a sandwich or something...

Anyway, I remember back in the, I still had sex with Mr. Libido days, he would complain the he NEVER got to have sex. Because the only thing that would make him disagree with that statement is if we were doing it everyday. So while I was more than happy with 3-5 days a week, he would have rated our sex life as only "satisfactory". I can say that with certainty because we once took a test on how "happy" our marriage was, and that is how he rated his sex life.

Sex pretty much came to a grinding halt once I started showing. He was afraid he would "hurt" the baby. At first it bugged me, but eventually I was just too uncomfortable to want it. So I guess that worked out?

Next of course was the labor. He was worried about was going to happen down there and if I would get to loose. I have to admit I was a little worried myself. So I took a pelvic floor workshop. And tried to use all my new found knowledge to keep the lady bits from being destroyed.

I was pretty lucky, the little cock blocker's birth was amazing, and I came out basically unscathed.

Where the trouble really began, was after.

First we were exhausted. I was up all night breastfeeding or pumping.  And Mr Libido can somehow choose sex over sleep, but not me.

We couldn't make ANY noise or the little cock blocker would start crying and that is not sexy.

I felt like a pig. Also not sexy. I still have a lot of baby weight to take off, but now that I'm running and sleeping I feel better. Mr Libido still wants me and I can (and will) look better.

I thought there was no spontaneity before, well I didn't realize what no spontaneity was, until now. If Mr Libido didn't sneak attack me perfectly wonderful and acceptable I would NEVER have sex. Now he "NEVER" has sex. On a good week I think we've Mr Libido has made it happen 3 maybe 4 times. But there have been lots of maybe once a week, weeks.

Oh and the fear of getting preggo again, well that's another unsexy thought.

The house is a complete disaster, there are ALWAYS a LONG LONG list of things on my to do list.

I used to be a cute girl who took pride in her appearance. Now I'm a frumpy mom. I don't plan to stay that way and I really do try my best 25% of the time but I just don't have time. I work full time, in and out of the home. I refuse to buy new clothes because I'm going to fit into my cute wardrobe again. And all of that does nothing to help me stay hot and bothered.

There have been improvements, the little cock blocker is in his own room, finally.

We finally get to sleep,  so now, until he gets some creepy sixth sense powers and I know he will we're getting a little boom.

If I sit here any longer I'm sure I could think of many more ways kids kill your sex life, but isn't this enough? I need a drink...

Playgrounds Revisited

So I took Animal to the playground yesterday just before afternoon nap. I thought it would be a quiet time with not to many children.

Happily I was right. It was just us and a family. A boy who looked seven-ish and pretty much played alone.  The mom with a small infant in carrier sitting in the shade and the dad following around his 18-21 month old.

Now Animal just started really walking about 2 weeks ago, and he was so excited to be able to get around unassisted that we could have likely spent the rest of the afternoon there till he was ready for dinner. And for the first time ever I could imagine myself having a great time. I love playing on playgrounds.  So I happily chased him around and followed as he claimed oh so carefully up and down the structure.

After getting the bird's eye view Animal decided he needed to get back on the ground so he could explore try to shove the tanbark into his mouth. When he got down there he realized there were other things he'd never seen on the ground. Leaves and acorns! This was really turning into quite the adventure. He bent down carefully trying to reach for the leaves when the other toddler ran over and snatched the leaves Animal was trying to get. The dad asked him to share with the baby and, let's call the little guy Bubba, Bubba said "No!"

I was worried Animal might try to retaliate and was ready to intervene when he surprised me and just smiled  and then bent down to get another leaf. Well the whole scenario replayed itself 2 more times each time Animal looking less pleased.  And so he forgot about the leaves and acorns and headed for a toy.

I was slightly annoyed that the dad didn't just tell his kid to stop and let the "baby" pick up the leaf. But what evs, I was thrilled that my guy wasn't acting as I had feared.

He played happily here and there while I followed closely. Finally walking under a structure that had some benches behind a steering wheel and some makeshift headlights. I was thinking about putting Animal on my lap and letting him play with the steering wheel when Bubba came barreling through jumping up on benches and yelling "see I can get up, get up here baby". Animal just looked at him and slammed both hands down on the bench a few times and grunted. The dad said "It's frustrating isn't it, when you can't do what you want." Then this scenario replayed itself all over again. But I thought this was ok, and didn't jump in, I was crouched down 2 feet away. Animal moved away from the benches and walked over to the "headlights" happy to feel their roundness, he was smiling at me and I was apparently mesmerized by my sons joy/beauty/contentedness, when Bubba jumped off the bench ran around and pushed Animal's hands of the "headlights" declaring them his. Animal lost his balance fell and bumped his head on the play structure. He made his super sad face and began to cry and walked to me, I said "It's ok" and hugged him.

This was the first (but I know not the last time) he was hurt by another child. I was bummed by it happening of course, but thrilled that he wasn't the aggressor. The dad made his kid apologize BTW.

Animal shook it off and kept right on playing. We went down the slide a couple of times and headed home. I feel pretty optimistic about future trips to the neighborhood playground, as my son is not the playground bully I feared he might be. YAY!

When we got home and I told the hubby about our misadventure. He told me next time, tell the kid "I'm sorry he's too little to play with you" and move Animal away. I'm not sure, I think it went well, what do you think?

Orgasmic Birth Part 2

When I last left you, I was telling you how grateful The Hubby and I were that Suzette had NOT listened to us and had headed to the hospital. I was freaking out about how far I was not along and the nurses were less than thrilled with me as a patient.

Suzette was instantly calming for the hubby and I, and that was exactly why we hired her. We were rookies and we needed a pro. If you are expecting and on the fence about hiring a doula, I highly recommend that you go for it.

When I first brought it up to my hubby, I did it when girlfriends were over (expecting that they would see the legitimacy of desire) and could maybe help convince him this was a wise idea. A doula is not cheap and as all parents know babies are EXPENSIVE. To my surprise the girls thought it sounded like a silly luxury and that  my money would be better spent treating myself to a spa day, clothes or baby gear. They also reminded me that the nursing staff would be there to help us through it and women had been birthing babies sometimes completely unassisted for eons. My husband without missing a beat, and no prompting from me said "Yes but would you rather have a public defender, or a lawyer". That was my thought exactly.

Any way back to the hospital. My cousin and sister handled the paper work, and got rules from staff. The Hubby and I headed to the bathroom for a private pow wow. I was very worried, even with Suzette there, that it was too early, and I wouldn't make it. The pain would be too great and I would give in to the things the hospital would surely push on me. The Hubs told me how great I was doing and that it was all going to work out. We headed back in the room my confidence renewed.

I was apparently sleeping in between contractions and was rather peaceful. Saying only "I thought I would have more time".

Still, I am in a lot of pain at this point. We moved from bed to a birthing ball. My husband rubs my back, Suzette is in front of me and rubbing my shoulders. She suggests that I might like to go for a walk as the ball isn't doing much to help the pain and I actually think this sounds like a great idea.

We do a few laps at a tortoise like pace and this actually feels better than the birthing ball. I was not only in pain but also feeling pressure. The laps made me feel better and we return to the room.

Shortly after 1 am, I am back in bed. And snoozing between contractions again. I did not realize I was sleeping, but when I read Suzette's birth story a few days later, it all made sense, as it all felt so fast. Just before 1:30 they take my blood pressure (again) and when I am conscience I say "Am I really having contractions, or am I making this all up?"

A little later I have to pee. The hubby takes me to the bathroom and I confide in him that I feel like I have to push, the pressure is so great. I want them to check me again, but I'm so scared, that since it's only been 2.5 hrs I'll be at like, 5 centimeters, or worse yet, I'll still be at 4. What if I can't make it? What if I'm not as strong as I thought? What if I do want drugs?

He was so comforting. He told me I was doing so good, and he was so proud, Suzette was so amazed, and that I could do it. It made me feel so strong again.Confidence recharged, I told him I really really wanted them to check me, because I really, really wanted to push.

Just before 2 am, the hubby and Suzette get the nurses to check me. They have been resisting because It's just so early. But when they check my cervix I'm at 9 almost 10! They call my doctor, and tell me she'll be there in 20 minutes.

I feel like I can't wait for the doctor. The urge to push is so great. This next part is gross I know, but as I get the urge to push and I resist, "stuff" gushes out of me. I don't know what this "stuff is" hot liquid, not urine, is just gushing out of me. I want to cry. Literally want to cry, not because it is not as painful, but just embarrassing, WTF? is coming out of me. I ask the hubby to play the music we had prepared to calm me down.


As some of you have gathered from the title of my blog I'm a runner. When we discussed the ambiance for the room I told Suzette, "I don't want classical music, or to picture myself on some beach. I want to hear OK GO and The Hives, and other music I listen to when I run. I want to get pumped up and picture my son moving through the birth canal, my body getting ready and everything going smoothly to the end. Just like I would get through a hard run. Envisioning the end, how I would feel with the task accomplished and over." Of course my hubby obliged me and had the perfect play list ready to go. Months before the big day.

When the nurses came in and heard the awesomeness that was my play list, they shot the hubby daggers with their eyes. Then scolded him for playing abrasive "heavy" music, when what I needed was to be calmed and soothed. Didn't he realize what I was going through?

Basically they were saying he was a selfish prick listening to what he wanted instead of what I needed. He explained that I chose the music and I wanted to listen to. That it was what I would listen to for an especially hard run. They chilled out after everyone else in the room confirmed the music selection was mine.

We keep asking where the doctor is, they keep telling me she'll be there in 20 min. They take my blood pressure, AGAIN. I remember thinking to myself said out loud "I'm going to start pushing and I don't care if there's no doctor, or nurses, I can't hold him in much longer." In the birth story Suzette gave me it says I'm crossing my legs at 2:30 and it looks like I'm trying to hold baby in. That is EXACTLY how it felt. My body was pushing, but I was trying to keep my son in because there was no one saying push.

Now I have to take a brief intermission from my son's birth to tell you a side story.

As I mentioned in part 1, I watched all kinds of documentaries and listened to all kinds of stories. The ones I secretly envied  and wished for of course were the ones that were quick, and as painless as pushing a watermelon through a orange sized hole could be. But I never once dared to think this could be me.

Part of the reason for hiring Suzette was so that I could know, when things took a turn for the worse, that we did all we could to prepare for both best case and worst case. If faced with worst case someone would remind us of what, and how we wanted to handle those tough decisions when we were cool headed.

One of the documentaries that touched my heart like no other was called "Born to Birth", I watched with awe as this mom to be, with only her hubby, and her mom (a mid wife) in their home, had the most perfect birth. This mom to be following, her own moms advice, didn't tear and wasn't swollen! WHAT!?! I KNOW! I never hoped or dreamed this could be me on any level. But it kind of was...

Back to me. At 3 am, my doctor arrives and preps for delivery. I start pushing, only to be told not to push too hard or I will deliver my son before doctor is ready. I try to push lightly, What the fuck that means I'm sure I don't know. I think I just went with my body without adding anything. Finally the doctor says to really push. And my son is born 5-7 pushes later at 3:24 am. I had a tiny tear, purely cosmetic doctor says.

My sister cuts cord, my little guy pees on me as he's laid on my chest, I don't care. He takes to the breast like a fish to water. My hubby and I are in love like never before. Placenta comes out.

My blood pressure is taken again. It's high and I have a fever. I'm dehydrated it turns out. My doctor is pissed, she starts giving it to the nursing staff. They tell her I opted for no IV. I'm too sleepy and in love with my baby to notice or say anything. I did opt for no IV, but I did want a hep lock, in case I got dehydrated and couldn't keep up with the liquids my body needed. As any new mom will tell you, nothing matters once they place YOUR baby in YOUR arms.

He was born 11 days early. 6 lbs 9oz and he was and is perfect.

A week ago when he celebrated his first birthday. All evening, all night, I kept waking up. I would look at the clock and remember what was happening at that time the year before. I didn't stay asleep till I woke up at 3:30 and thought, last year at this time I was holding my son, feeding him for the first time.

I wonder when, if ever, I will stop remembering that night so vividly.

Lastly the best part was that I hired Suzette not only for me, but so my hubby could relax, and not have to take care of me. So that he too could enjoy the birth of his son. The funny thing was, with Suzette there to encourage and reassure us, The Hubby took care of me the whole time. I can't remember a moment he wasn't at my side. It was the single most romantic moment of our lives, I wonder if he knows that...

30 days of Thankfullness

The wonderful writer of  The Insomniacs Dream put out this query? Would anyone like to commit to thinking and writing about a different thing they are grateful for every day this month?

I'm full of gratitude. So I LOVE and accept this challenge. I was thinking of posting every Friday. But working on it daily so that. It is authentic and also meeting challenge. 


11/1/12

Today I am thankful for my husband. I've known him since high school, we were good friends for many many years. And we still are.

He says that by default (marriage) we are no longer friends. But I think a friend is someone who you enjoy talking to, laughing and crying with. Someone you trust, your loyal to, and you think of often. I say by default (marriage and a baby) we are family too.

Marriage is hard, being parents is hard too. Having him to share this adventure with is pretty great. He shares in the work as well as the play.  He makes me laugh. He listens to me and my ideas. He supports my endeavors and cheers me on.


11/2/12

I have been sober since the end of February 2011 when I began to suspect that I might be pregnant. I had my first glass of wine last Friday, the day we celebrated Animal's 1st birthday. For those of you not great at math, that's 19 months.

And right now as I write this I am having my 2nd glass of wine. It is WONDERFUL.   Of course once my son was born I could have had a drink and defrosted a bottle of frozen breast milk. But I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to make it at least the first full year without formula. And If I fell short I would use my stock pile to supplement the formula and not feel bad at all about it. I have nothing against formula feeding. But if I could breastfeed, and I could do it the year and I didn't have to buy formula, well then that's what I was gonna do.

I am a real lush. Or at least I was pre baby. The only times I didn't drink was when I was training hard. I would then self impose a no drinking time (usually 6 months or till race day). Other than that, I love to drink and I did it often. And right now today. I am SO grateful for this delicious, tasty, delightful, heavenly, divine, titillating, yummy glass of Cab.

TT Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became a Parent

At first I thought this topic was going to be a wash for me. I got so much advice from other moms, probably because I grilled asked them to share their L&D stories. Once a mom shares that, she's feeling pretty chatty. So I got a lot of advice, and a lot of warnings. I listened to it all, noted what I thought was important and I could use, ignored what I thought was useless or negative, and forgot everything else (and because I have a shitty memory that was easy).

But looking back, there is ONE thing. ONE crucial bit of information I wish someone had clued me in on.
The body numbing, mind crippling, life sucking, soul crushing, sleep depraved life I was about to lead. I wish I had been told that not all babies just start sleeping through the night on their own, they certainly didn't tell me HOW our little guy was supposed to accomplish this fucking feat. Or what to do if he didn't.

At first is was awesome. Animal slept pretty great at night most nights right from the beginning. But I was breastfeeding, and in my BF class they told us to wake the little guy up, every 3hrs. To help establish the milk supply, but especially to ease his latching because if I waited till he woke up on his own, he would be starving, and fussing, and it would be harder for him in his hysteria to get a good latch. Thus making it more painful for me. So I did that for weeks, until I was sure my milk supply was good and my cracked nipple had healed (you read that right, don't see that in the fucking movies do you?).

Then I went back to work, so Animal would be sleeping, but I would get up to pump. Why not pump during the day you ask? Well I did, but that wasn't enough. When I was away from him he would drink 19-24 oz and when I was with him I couldn't get him to nap. Unless he was in my arms and had fallen asleep nursing. There were no such things as naps in our home, and you can't pump with a sleeping infant in your arms.
Everyone would tell me what I was doing wrong, but not how to fix it.

Except CIO. If I would do that then it would fix it self I was told. But how could we just let him cry shout and scream bloody murder when we, one, live in apartments, and two, miss him so much because we're gone close to 50 hrs a week? We couldn't. And so we didn't sleep. For months on end.

This was when I discovered this secret, that there were these large groups of parents who let more like gave up after there little babies sucked their will to live their children sleep with them. I'm not judging, I don't care what anyone else in the name of not loosing their fucking mind does. I even tried it a few times when I didn't feel I could safely hold my son and nurse him without falling asleep, possibly dropping him to the floor, like I'd read other moms had done (no judgment their either I was damn lucky this didn't happen to me because I most certainly fell asleep sitting with him in my arms). Did that solve the problem? No, it created a new one when he quickly refused to go in his crib. And the hubby started sleeping on the couch. It was horrible but we were sleeping. I refused to let go of that last bit of intimacy and space my hubby and I shared. For God's sake we hadn't had so much as a (hot) meal together in months.

I painstakingly got him back in his crib, and never laid him down on my bed again.

I started reading every sleep training book I could find. Every article, every YouTube video. Until I heard a book title I hadn't read. I went on Amazon and read reviews. I knew I had to have this book. I couldn't wait for my order to ship from Amazon so I downloaded onto my phone. And I read every spare minute I could find until I read enough to put it's techniques into practice.
 
First let me tell you that in the end there were some CIO nights. But what made this doable for us this time is that finally someone said that nursing my son to sleep was NOT what caused the sleep problem. That I could even continue this soothing and loving act as part of our bedtime ritual. What I could NOT do was allow it to become a tool that my son could use to stay awake. It could NOT be my ONLY tool. And most importantly it said something that my husband and I desperately needed someone to say to us. Putting our son down to sleep at an early time (meaning we only spent 30 minutes with him once we got home for work) did not make us bad parents. It didn't mean we didn't LOVE and MISS our son. It only meant that we recognized and respected his need to get to bed when HE was tiered, so that HE could get the sleep that he so desperately needed so HE could be healthy and happy. And you know what? Even though my hubby and I miss him terribly and would LOVE to spend more time with him. Our son is healthy and happy.

Within a week from following the advise in this book. Our son went from maybe sleeping 3 hours at a time to sleeping 11 plus hours a night AND napping. Everyone is happier and finally after 11 months, mommy is getting a whole nights sleep! I'm finally a person again. The best part is I'm not too sleepy to enjoy every minute with my son. That's what I wish someone had told me before I became a parent. Maybe we could have handled this shit when he was 4 months old! But I'm glad to know it now and I'll share it with every mom to be from now on.