Playgrounds

As the mom of an 11 month old, the local playground is a place we've been. But not a place we frequent. For one thing there just isn't a lot of equipment my little guy can use. More importantly though, it's a place that causes me some social anxiety. As a fairly confident, happy and friendly woman this is a feeling I'm not used too, and it kind of bothers me. I don't like to admit that I am insecure. So we don't go to the park very often.

I know that soon he'll be walking, talking and demanding that I face my fears take him to the park. I wont be able to avoid it for much longer. Don't get me wrong, I actually love playgrounds. I'm usually looking for any excuse to go down the slide, swing and especially climb. When Animal can finally really explore and play at the playground I'll truly and honestly enjoy playing with him there. And I really really want him to make friends his own age. But isn't that what preschool is for?

My problem is socializing. Not just me, my son is strong and physical. I'm afraid he'll be too aggressive. He only seems to take aim at his daddy and I. But that's how I know it hurts, and while I'll discipline him in an age appropriate manner. I don't think that will make the other child or parent feel better.

If my fear is unfounded (he hasn't hurt other children the few times he's been around them) then there's the milestone conversations. As a first time mom I find myself especially sensitive to this topic. I think Animal is doing great. He is a super healthy, happy guy. And my biggest source of joy. But he didn't get his first tooth until he was nearly 6 months old, or start solids until he was 6 months old. He didn't start crawling until 7 months. He didn't start sleeping through the night until nearly 10 month. He's not walking or talking. I'm not worried about his development, but it's taken me 10 months to feel this way. I see progress in every area and he's completely within the scope of "normal" development. Talking to other moms about these milestones brings up old new  insecurities. I just don't like it.

Lastly, since becoming pregnant I have run into some labels I had previously been blissfully unaware of. Attachment Parenting and Crunchy Granola. I'm not going to go into what those labels mean. The weird thing is, I would never describe myself that way and the people that do would not consider me one of them  because those labels don't (really) fit me or my family. I make my decisions based on what feels right to me. I assume others do as well. Being a mom feels like a catch 22, with someone always disapproving.

The playground is just a place I'd rather not deal with yet. Time is ticking, I wont be able to avoid this source of anxiety much longer. But since Animal likes to take his time, I should have a few more months to get a grip.