Dream Job

What's your dream job? This question reminds me of my elementary school days when I would be asked "what do you want to do when you grow up?" It reminds me of those days because as a child it was very likely that your answer would be based on your dreams. Before your filled with the bullshit other people want/expect/dream for you.

Since second grade I have had only one dream job.

I wanted to be an author. Ever since I can remember (I have a shitty memory so literally second grade is as far back as I can kind of remember) I wanted nothing more than to spend my life telling stories. I have written (in my childhood) the beginnings of several books. Including a choose your own adventure (I really liked those as a kid). I used to have collections of 3x5 cards with names of characters, each containing an outline of their home life, appearance and personalities. Those cards even included which of my made up characters were friends with each other and who were enemies. I would group my cards together by which characters were possible candidates for the different stories in my head. I was a strange kid.

I always made up stories. All kinds. For everyone and everything in my life. I would tell complete strangers these made up tales like they were my life. Adults seemed to find it endearing for the most part. Although one teacher did tell my parents I should see a psychologist. But my parents thought it was great. They were very supportive. My dad even liked to tell me stories about his strange and sad childhood, saying you can use that in one of your books. Some day I still hope to take some writing courses and work on this love of mine.

 My dream of being an author has altered very little. Only after reading Hunter S. Thompson was my dreamed altered, or enhanced if you will. I wished to be an author. Who made enough of a living to have a place to sleep, money for a little food, and A LOT of rum. 

Now that I'm a mommy and there for a role model, my dream has changed for the first time ever.

 I want to be an author, yes. A functioning alcoholic, yes (once Animal is a wonderful young man out on his own). But now, I want that dream job so I can make some money, and have the dream job I never wanted. I want to be a Stay At Home Mom.

 As hard as it is to be a parent, as much as I enjoying going to work, because even though I don't have my dream job, I happen to have a job I love. That I'm good at. That's rewarding. 

I hate missing out on my son's life. I hate not making enough to take a few years off so that I can do what really matters to me now. Like 99% of mommies I just want to do the best job possible. There are a lot of shitty moments in life and as a parent. So I don't want to miss any of the amazing ones. My son is 11 months old and like that God Damn baby detergent commercial likes to remind me, "you have a child for a lifetime, but a baby only a year." And that year is almost up, and I've missed more of it than I would have liked. 

This post is part of Theme Thursday. Each Thursday, multiple bloggers will offer different perspectives on the same topic. Read more at the following blogs:

Something Clever 2.0
Aspiring to the Middle
Cloudy With a Chance of Wine
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
Mommy Rotten
I Like Beer and Babies
The Next Step
A Calibama State of Mind
Shit I Don't Tell Most People
Who Woulda Thought?
The Insomniac's Dream