Thursday, October 11, 2012

Dream Job

What's your dream job? This question reminds me of my elementary school days when I would be asked "what do you want to do when you grow up?" It reminds me of those days because as a child it was very likely that your answer would be based on your dreams. Before your filled with the bullshit other people want/expect/dream for you.

Since second grade I have had only one dream job.

I wanted to be an author. Ever since I can remember (I have a shitty memory so literally second grade is as far back as I can kind of remember) I wanted nothing more than to spend my life telling stories. I have written (in my childhood) the beginnings of several books. Including a choose your own adventure (I really liked those as a kid). I used to have collections of 3x5 cards with names of characters, each containing an outline of their home life, appearance and personalities. Those cards even included which of my made up characters were friends with each other and who were enemies. I would group my cards together by which characters were possible candidates for the different stories in my head. I was a strange kid.

I always made up stories. All kinds. For everyone and everything in my life. I would tell complete strangers these made up tales like they were my life. Adults seemed to find it endearing for the most part. Although one teacher did tell my parents I should see a psychologist. But my parents thought it was great. They were very supportive. My dad even liked to tell me stories about his strange and sad childhood, saying you can use that in one of your books. Some day I still hope to take some writing courses and work on this love of mine.

 My dream of being an author has altered very little. Only after reading Hunter S. Thompson was my dreamed altered, or enhanced if you will. I wished to be an author. Who made enough of a living to have a place to sleep, money for a little food, and A LOT of rum. 

Now that I'm a mommy and there for a role model, my dream has changed for the first time ever.

 I want to be an author, yes. A functioning alcoholic, yes (once Animal is a wonderful young man out on his own). But now, I want that dream job so I can make some money, and have the dream job I never wanted. I want to be a Stay At Home Mom.

 As hard as it is to be a parent, as much as I enjoying going to work, because even though I don't have my dream job, I happen to have a job I love. That I'm good at. That's rewarding. 

I hate missing out on my son's life. I hate not making enough to take a few years off so that I can do what really matters to me now. Like 99% of mommies I just want to do the best job possible. There are a lot of shitty moments in life and as a parent. So I don't want to miss any of the amazing ones. My son is 11 months old and like that God Damn baby detergent commercial likes to remind me, "you have a child for a lifetime, but a baby only a year." And that year is almost up, and I've missed more of it than I would have liked. 

This post is part of Theme Thursday. Each Thursday, multiple bloggers will offer different perspectives on the same topic. Read more at the following blogs:

Something Clever 2.0
Aspiring to the Middle
Cloudy With a Chance of Wine
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
Mommy Rotten
I Like Beer and Babies
The Next Step
A Calibama State of Mind
Shit I Don't Tell Most People
Who Woulda Thought?
The Insomniac's Dream 

12 comments:

  1. I worked for my son's first 2 years. I asked the day care provider not to tell me if he had any "firsts" when I wasn't around. Either he didn't, or she's a great liar.

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    1. That is an awesome tip. my mom watches Animal, and was so kind and smart to always do this (w/o me asking) for me

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  2. Oh man, that made me sad. I'm sorry you aren't able to stay home with your little guy. But I'm sure you're great at making up for lost time before and after work and on weekends.

    And I love Jenn's approach to asking the daycare providers not to tell her if her son had had any firsts. What an awesome tip...

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    1. So the great silver lining and thing that helps is the job I love and am good at is Pre school teacher. so when my son is 2, he'll get to come to work with me, and get to attend a wonderful school!

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  3. The Trophy calls me the bacon bringer homer, we are fortunate enough to be able to semi-survive on my income, however I can relate, I miss a lot of the Minions antics while I am at work.

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    1. it's the best when they run (in my case squeal and crawl) to you at the end of a long day though :)

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  4. I have to admit - I'm not a big fan of caring for the under 2 crowd. I threw a HUGE party when my first daughter turned 2 and then an even bigger one when the twins turned 2. But the time I have with them now- I wouldn't trade for the world. Elly now has a habit of walking in to the room, saying "Hugs?" and then RUNNING to me with her arms open wide and we just hug and snuggle until she wiggles to get down. Total Kairos Moment. :-)

    As much as I complain about the kids on Facebook, I try to mostly just enjoy and hold on to good moments and vent about the bad and then let them go.

    That is super cool that you will get to take Animal to work with you when he turns 2. You will have TONS of moments to cherish.

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    1. Two is my favorite age, but when your away from your own baby you rethink it. when I was on maternity leave I looked forward to going back to work. and telling my kids about my baby. I'm so so fortunate to love my job

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  5. I have never been anything but a Stay at Homie, who longed for some sort of job to feel like I was contributing. Motherhood, marriage and domesticity um, happened, unexpectedly for me and it took some getting used to. What The Man brought to my attention once, when I was longing for a 'real job' is that I have the hardest and most important job already. And he's right. But you are pulling double duty, Super Woman. I can't imagine what you feel missing the 'firsts'. My heart really aches at that thought. But at least you do enjoy your job, and hopefully the year will fly, and Animal can join you in the fun :-)

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    1. I hate when I read that being a SAHM is not a "real job", or when SAHM think they don't have a "real job". Just cuz you don't get the paycheck/appreciation/time off you deserve, it only makes it a harder job. cut your self some slack

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  6. I love that you made 3x5 cards for your story lines and characters as a kid- Brilliant. And I love that your dad told you his sad stories so you could, "use it for your books". He sounds like a character and I can totally imagine my dad saying something like that.
    Did you wind up seeing the psychologist? If so, he/she worked wonders as you seem ok now ;)

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    1. LOL, Not as a kid. My parents didn't think it was odd and were really supportive of my writing.

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