Saturday, October 27, 2012

Orgasmic Birth Part 1

No I didn't have one. But I watched a documentary with that title a few weeks shy of my son's birth. I watched it alone in my bedroom. The hubby walked in (probably thinking he was gonna catch me watching something naughty) and said "what the hell is that!?!" I told him about the documentary. His response was "I'm all for a natural delivery, the doula and even having the baby here, but you better not cum on my son!" I laughed so hard a probably peed a little (one of the joys of pregnancy) and told him I was sure I wouldn't, but if my choices were hell in the lady bits or orgasm, I hoped to be closer to the O side.

While pregnant I spent all my time collecting birth stories, watching birth documentaries (including every prego/birth thing on reality TV: 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, Baby's First Day, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, to name just a few), all in the name of research. I also spent a fair amout of my time going to baby fairs, Googling and reading EVERYTHING I could get my hands on about pregnancy, labor and delivery and developing embryos. That's the kind of girl I am, if I don't know about something I research the hell out of it so I wont be so scared/anxious/freaked out about it. I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was gonna suck donkey balls and last FOREVER. In the end though, I would have my baby, and eventually it would be a distant memory.

We hired a kick ass doula named Suzette. She was awesome from the word go. From the moment we met her we felt comfortable and knew she was the girl to get us through this super scary event. I wanted her so I would have someone to help with pain management and so she could tell us when it was time to go to the hospital. Because since I couldn't get Blue Shield to pony up for a home birth, I planned to stay home as long as possible, before heading to Hospital.

She helped us plan for the big day. First going over what we hoped would happen. Who would be there and what there roles would be. Next we went over what we would do if things did not go as planned or at what point certain drugs and medical interventions would take place, and how I would deal if my low risk birth became an emergency situation. I felt so secure that no matter what happened; Unplanned c-section, induced labor, epidural after hrs of no progress, I was prepared. I was as confident and as ready as one could be before a human being comes through your birth canal.

So just before 8pm last year I was laying in bed watching TV, when I felt something a little wet. And I thought to myself, am I peeing on myself? WTF! I ran to the bathroom. Then thought, wait did my water break? Wait, am I having contractions? I came out and told my husband, and called Suzette. She told me to start timing and get some sleep. Since I would likely be heading to the hospital in the wee hrs of the morning. And to call her again when the contractions were stronger.  The hubby was a bit frazzled, but I felt calm knowing we still had a ways to go.

Once we got off the phone I downloaded an app to time my contractions (I love my phone). Then text my sister and cousin so they would be ready to go to the hospital with us sometime that night.

But something unexpected happened.

Within the hour my contractions were 5 min apart and I couldn't stand or talk when I had one. I called my Doctor, she instructed me to go to the hospital. I called Suzette and she said she was ready to head down and meet me at the hospital. I told her to wait and we would call  her from the hospital. It was probably way too early. After all my water had only broken a little more than an hour ago. We called my sister and cousin who would be going to the hospital with us and told them to come over since we planned to take one car. In the mean time I called my mom.

 By ten o'clock, a mere two hours from my water breaking, we were on our way.

The car ride was terrible. So uncomfortable and the contractions were now 2-3 minutes. This was not at all like what I had planned for. I was supposed to be like one of those women in the movies I had watched. Laboring for hrs at home. Killing time between contractions. Yelling obscenities at the hubby while in the throes of pain. I was getting to the hospital too soon. I was afraid I might not be making the right choices but Suzette seemed on board with my doctors instructions and so I reminded myself that's why we hired her and she'd been through this with other moms before, and it must be time for me to go to the hospital. 

When we got there the hubby dropped us off at the L&D entrance and asked what he needed to bring after he parked the car. I reminded him that we had preregistered and so we needed nothing but the bag we prepared for hospital. Once I got to L&D with my sister and cousin, the nurse told me I needed a bunch a shit, EVEN THOUGH I HAD PREREGISTERED and was was told I DIDN'T NEED ANYTHING BUT MY ID. So my sister went to tell the hubby to go back to the car for all the extra crap. 

As we started getting settled into the room. I gave the nurse a copy of my birth plan, she rolled her eyes and said "and your Dr is ok with this?" I told her she was, and she rolled her eyes again. I knew this was going to be a long night and I was so glad I went with my gut and hired the doula. 

Once we were settled in Delivery room, the nurse checked me at 11 pm. I  was 4 centimeters. WTF! I knew I had made a mistake coming so early. I had really wanted to be at home till at least 6 maybe 7 centimeters. I said "at least I wont need the Pitocin" and the nurse said "we'll see, if you haven't made any progress in a few hours you may still need it". Having watched hours and hours of births and having listened to story after story I knew I had made a terrible mistake by coming so early. It would be hours before I made any progress I was sure, and now I was stuck. They weren't going to let me go home now. I was really upset with myself. 

Then, Suzette called she had not listened to me, deciding after speaking to me that she should head down and meet us at the hospital. I was so grateful, as was my hubby. 

Stay tuned for part 2, you'll get to hear about why it was so great she didn't listen. Why the Nurses started to chew the hubby out when he started playing The Hives, and why my doctor chewed out the L&D nurses.

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