I Do It Too

You know what really chaps me hide?

When a kid is crying and a well meaning adult says, "You don't need to cry about that". Or some variant sentence that means shut it down. It bothers me so much.

The worst part is I do it too.

Children cry for so many reasons. Sadness, confusion, feeling misunderstood, left out, scared, exhaustion, to release pent up energy. Why do we devalue their feelings? Why for our own comfort or sanity do we ask them to bottle up their too big emotions? Sure sometimes the little buggers are just trying to manipulate us into giving them their way. Of course we should not give in to the tears, but why not just let them cry? What's the real harm? Is there real harm?

I know it grates on your nerves, as it does mine, when your little person is crying cuz it's nap time/diaper changing time/ time to turn off the God forsaken Bubble Guppies, but can't we just send them to cry in their room/a chair/or some other area when we can't tune them out?

Could our need to stop their tears come from our desire to spare them pain?

OR...

Do you hate cry babies too?

I really hate whining. I don't want my kid to be a whiner and I don't want him to cry over every little thing. Sometimes life is disappointing. Sometimes people are assholes. Sometimes you gotta just get on with your life and not care about every little thing.

Plus there are better ways to deal with things than sitting and crying. Better ways to ask for what you want.

The thing is don't you need to cry, to learn that doesn't solve the problem? Or to see tears don't make people do what you want. They (our children) are just learning by trial and error.

Just like we understand we'll be changing many, many, many soiled diapers, then washing many wet (please only wet) underwear, pants and floors before finally graduating to, in the toilet every time.

Lest you think this analogy doesn't apply, I'm not saying that you'll listen to all this whining and crying till your child finally learns to control their emotions and then it's over. Home free. No. I'm not saying that, I'm saying just like with potty training, it gets better. There will still be surprises and hiccups, maybe even lifelong ones.

Just like with potty training, I need to have some patience and I would wager I'm not the only one.  

Parenting Fail #98, #102, and #144

We have been dealing with this fail for a long time.

I can't really remember when it started only that Baby Centers emails reassured me, and other parents that this was a normal phase, and how to best deal with it.

We tried to follow the advise and tips. Then we went rogue and tried harsher tactics. It didn't work, and we reverted quickly back to the Baby Center tips. I thought we were finally past it, and we were on to the next. We were wrong.

My son is a biter.

We don't know why. He's got so many words and he's learning more and more to ask for things and to express himself with these words. We do not bite. We do not spank we don't even really swat. (That's what we tried by the way, hitting his mouth. It didn't work, and we decided after each trying it once that it would not work with our kid). We are not violent. We use words to fight with in our home. So why so much aggression? Why biting?

I was a biter, could that explain it? My dad bit me, and I stopped he says. I can't do it. Besides he has bitten himself (and left teeth marks) and it has not deterred him.

I am at my wits end. I feel embarrassed, stupid and incompetent. 

I believe as a professional I should be able to help him, or at least have the patience to deal with it. He's not the only two year old I know with this problem and God knows he wont be the last. In the mean time I have a fear of taking him anywhere or doing anything. I don't think I'm writing this as a cry for help. Feel free to leave me advice, I think I've heard it all, but I could be wrong. He's in school (where he will be shadowed in the near future as they try to help us get through this phase). We take him to the playground, we give time outs, and offer a ton of attention and love. What else? What else is there? 

I think I'm writing this post more as a confession. Asking to be absolved. I want other people to know I recognize the problem. We recognize the problem. We are working (have been working on it) for so long, and we wont give up. I'm sorry if my son bites you, or your child. I try to be close enough to stop it. We are consistent in not allowing it, of giving consequences for these actions. 

I have to believe that someday we'll get past it. Everyone does, right? I did. Animal will too.  

Candles Lit, Warm Wishes

Last night we, a few women, lit a candle. It was a candle for a woman who had begun her labor. 

We lit them in hopes it's light and our wishes for her and her babe would reach them and give them both strength.

Last night as it's light flickered I thought about my own beautiful delivery and baby boy. I wished for her the same love I had surrounding me that night. I went to bed trying to send, across all those miles all the strength I could muster for this new mama. 

I fell asleep smiling. Thanking God for all our blessings. Remembering the weight of my baby boy the first time he was in my arms. I slept so soundly and peacefully.

In the morning I checked my phone, no news.  I watched the candle and hoped all was well. 

My son is two now, life is so different than when he was an infant. 

I planned my day and went about my business. Still waiting.

Tomorrow I'll get to spend time with a good friend who is awaiting the birth of her little girl. When she goes into labor I will light another candle, and send her all my love and prayers. I'll spend lots of time thinking of my own baby. Funny how pregnant women and newborn babies always flood us with memories of ourselves and our own children (0r is that just me?). It's a beautiful reminder of how connected we truly are as women.

When I got the news that her son had been born this morning at 10:16 am, 8 lbs 10 oz, 21.5 inches. I was so happy for her. I celebrated by blowing out the candle, wishing them the best and then drinking a great bottle of wine and some outstanding brie. Just two of the things I missed most during my pregnancy (and the wine for much longer). 

Women thank you. Thank you for your beauty, strength and grace. Mommies, sisters, friends and fellow humans. Without you we would all suffer.

It's Over

Of course I always knew the time would come when we would be here. When it would be over, and I couldn't wait. Except now that it is. It's so bittersweet.

Animal stopped nursing completely this week. He's been self weaning for a couple of months now. Only nursing before bed. We have this routine, we turn on his little turtle that puts stars on the ceiling, then we turn on his gentle giraffe (womb sounds) finally I pull out our boppy and we sit in our special chair across from his crib. When he's done nursing I lay him down and tuck him in before walking out.

A few days before Mother's day after turning on his stars and sounds, I pulled out the boppy and he waved goodbye to me very sweetly. It surprised me, but I went with it. Half expecting him to reach out to me crying when he realized I was going to just lay him down and walk out. He smiled at me angelically as I put him down and tucked him in. I said, "Good night, I love you". He babbled softly and pulled his blanket up to his chin. Then I walked out, and he went to sleep. I teared up. It was over. I didn't have a baby anymore.

Of course he's been a toddler for the better part of a year. But at least once a day, he was still my baby. And of course he always will be, except he isn't.

I always knew I was going to breastfeed, but I had never expected to nurse past his first birthday. Once we read all the material on breastfeeding, the hubby and I just agreed that I would nurse him until he was done. Or he turned two. I didn't want to nurse a preschooler. Then I met all these women that are crunchy granola moms not crunchy granola lite, like me that I kinda admire. I'm such a hippie at heart. It just seemed less and less strange, and more and more natural that we would self wean.

Then he shocked me. He's been self weaning for months, and it's just done. He just grew up. It seemed so natural and pretty much seamless how it just ended.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have my body back. It's great to have the extra time and that the hubby can put the baby to bed without me any night now. I'm especially excited to NOT have to look at the clock to decide if I can have a glass of wine.

It's bittersweet.

Yadda, it kind of sucks to be done with the baby days.

This is post is brought to
you by the letter 'Y'

Listen Yuckbuddies, yadda is like bleep for the bad word. C'mon it's the letter Y, there is little to choose from as far as "bad" words go.

Letter D

This post is brought to you by
the letter 'D'

I need some advice.

I know that it's perfectly normal for kids to be aggressive little dicks sometimes. They don't have the verbal skills or the life skills to deal with their frustrations. I get it. I do. I know how to deal with it when a kid is 2+ years old. With consistency, firmness, modeling words and behaviors, redirection and time outs.

But what do you do when it's a toddler with basically no words and an extremely short attention span?

 I've been doing a lot of reading, you know "experts" and all. I'm not trying to say that they're (the experts) a bunch a douche bags that don't know half as much as they think they do, but sometimes they don't. I'm gonna try some of the tips they're giving. With an open mind. I hope that we can crack this phase before it takes hold and my kid turns into a dickhead.

What I'm trying to ask is, what did you do when your child hit this stage? Did you beat it? How? What worked, what didn't? With biting, we just said no, firmly (with an unhappy tone) every time. Sometimes  putting our hands over his mouth gently and saying no quietly. It worked. He isn't a biter. 

Just because we got through that stage doesn't mean we're gonna sit by passively waiting for him "to grow out of it". That might never happen, and we are not raising a bully. So what do we do? 

For Women Only Edition

This post was updated today. So that I could use in the ABC's of Swearing, because when I Googled curse words that begin with the letter V, all I found over and over, was Vagina and Va JayJay.

Vagina? Really? Can I just say that offends me as a woman that Vagina would be considered even on one list a bad word. Va JayJay? maybe, if only because it isn't proper.

Without further ado,

Is my vagina broken?

The first thing I do after I start menstruating each month is find my hubby (if it's the weekend) or wait for his call so that I can say, "Guess who's not pregnant? Me!". Then shortly after using my first tampon, I ask this question: Is my vagina broken?

 I'm not trying to be funny. I really, honestly ask myself this question every month.

Before baby, I had a really light period. 3 days and done. Now after baby, it's still basically 3 days, and only the first day is heavy (just like before) but now, I leak. I don't mean I pee when I sneeze or laugh, like at 9 months pregnant. I mean that I have to wear a panty liner for the entirety of my cycle, and the reason I do is because no matter how light or how recently I changed my tampon it leaks.

WTF? Is this normal? Am I going to go through the rest of my life going through a ton of panty liners and tampons? I'm considering just using pads. Am I crazy? At first I thought maybe I'd forgotten how to use a tampon. I even re read the instructions. I'm doing it right.

So what's the problem? I haven't googled for fear of what kind of sights it might refer me to, but I have a consultation for tubal ligation with my Ob/Gyn coming up and I plan to talk to her about it then.

In the meantime. Every time I get my period and leak I want to tweet, Is my vagina broken? I restrain myself, but as this post was written specifically for the Honest Mom hop, I decided to share.

Anybody have any ideas? The hubby says I'm just old now. Is that it?

UPDATE: My Va JayJay is just fine. The consultation was rescheduled (by the doctor, not me), but I started trying different brands, and I found one! I found one that works. I'm so happy. Thank you to all the women who left comments when I first posted this.

This post was brought to you
by the letter 'V'