It's Over

Of course I always knew the time would come when we would be here. When it would be over, and I couldn't wait. Except now that it is. It's so bittersweet.

Animal stopped nursing completely this week. He's been self weaning for a couple of months now. Only nursing before bed. We have this routine, we turn on his little turtle that puts stars on the ceiling, then we turn on his gentle giraffe (womb sounds) finally I pull out our boppy and we sit in our special chair across from his crib. When he's done nursing I lay him down and tuck him in before walking out.

A few days before Mother's day after turning on his stars and sounds, I pulled out the boppy and he waved goodbye to me very sweetly. It surprised me, but I went with it. Half expecting him to reach out to me crying when he realized I was going to just lay him down and walk out. He smiled at me angelically as I put him down and tucked him in. I said, "Good night, I love you". He babbled softly and pulled his blanket up to his chin. Then I walked out, and he went to sleep. I teared up. It was over. I didn't have a baby anymore.

Of course he's been a toddler for the better part of a year. But at least once a day, he was still my baby. And of course he always will be, except he isn't.

I always knew I was going to breastfeed, but I had never expected to nurse past his first birthday. Once we read all the material on breastfeeding, the hubby and I just agreed that I would nurse him until he was done. Or he turned two. I didn't want to nurse a preschooler. Then I met all these women that are crunchy granola moms not crunchy granola lite, like me that I kinda admire. I'm such a hippie at heart. It just seemed less and less strange, and more and more natural that we would self wean.

Then he shocked me. He's been self weaning for months, and it's just done. He just grew up. It seemed so natural and pretty much seamless how it just ended.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have my body back. It's great to have the extra time and that the hubby can put the baby to bed without me any night now. I'm especially excited to NOT have to look at the clock to decide if I can have a glass of wine.

It's bittersweet.

Yadda, it kind of sucks to be done with the baby days.

This is post is brought to
you by the letter 'Y'

Listen Yuckbuddies, yadda is like bleep for the bad word. C'mon it's the letter Y, there is little to choose from as far as "bad" words go.

Crunchy Granola: Weaning Woes

As I mentioned in this post, I am not a crunchy granola mom. But as we live in a society that loves to label, some people think I am. Now don't get me wrong I am a tree hugging hippie for sure, but some people didn't notice cuz I don't go around lecturing people until I became a mommy.  And so crunchy granola and attachment parent soon became titles others might use to describe me crazy, over protective, wacko might be other words they use to describe me. Real crunchy granola moms, and proponents of attachment parenting would probably quickly shun me point out that I am not either of those things. 

For instance I don't use elimination communication, cloth diapers or even seventh generation diapers. Animal doesn't sleep in my bed but there were nights he did  in a co-sleeper but his crib was in our bedroom till 9 1/2 months. I DO use pedia care if I need to, and my son gets vaccinated. I also even dare use a stroller, sometimes. 

The thing I think that started this whole crunchy granola business was that I wanted to have the baby the old fashioned way, sans the drugs. And to be honest if my insurance would have ponied up I would have delivered my son at home. They wouldn't, so Hospital it was. 

We hired an awesome Doula and had a birth plan cue the mass rolling of eyes . Like I said I'm a hippie at heart and so is the Hubby. Also to quote him "Your the one having the baby, so whatever you want I'll support". Would I have beaten myself up if I got the drugs. NO WAY!  Do I think moms that choice that route are less tough? worse moms? NO WAY! Do I even give a shit what others do? NO WAY! Did I think that because I had a birth plan things were gonna magically align to give me the "perfect" experience of my dreams? NO WAY! But so it began that I was a certain kind of mom. 

When I was pregnant I also decided that I would like to Breastfeed my son, hopefully for the first year of his life. Cue second thing that put me in the crunch category. I am super fortunate to live in the bay area and know some women who work in and around the birthing community. So getting support, guidance, help was not a problem for me. It was even 100% FREE! And ongoing. I know that that is not the case all over the country. And I honestly belief that is the reason that a lot more women don't. Breastfeeding is hard and without a lot of help it can feel impossible. It is NOT like in the movies. And although I hoped for the pluses of BF like the baby weight just falling off, which has been total bullshit in my case for Animal, it wasn't a completely selfless act. Baby Formula is expensive shit! In one month my awesome expensive and needs a shit load of expensive accessories  pump paid for itself. A baby is super expensive, I wish a had a dope ass job that paid out the wazoo, but I don't. And being able to take formula out of the monthly budget I hoped would mean we could better afford the insurance. 

Then once we got the BF thing down, let's say around 12 weeks yeah that's how long it took, I loved it. And so I BFE for 6 months, cue thing number 4. My son was thriving and happy. But he stopped sleeping and started waking up A LOT. Cue number 5, The hubby and I could not handle CIO. 

Then 6, I started making him baby food. And buying organic. Hear me out. Again I'm a hippie at heart, who already shops at Whole Foods and someone gave me an awesome Baby Beaba Cook. Plus I don't buy everything organic,  just for sure the dirty dozen. And again it saves us money money I use to buy green sprouts dishes and cutlery. Lastly in this category I feed him tofu and other things people think are weird but it's food his daddy and I eat and we just want him to be included into family meals. I don't cook people so we're most certainly not having two separate meals cooked in this house. 

Finally number 7, and the thing I think really chops peoples hide is Animal doesn't watch t.v., does this mean we don't watch t.v.? or that I turn Animal away from t.v.here or in other peoples homes? Of course not. Nor do I care if anyone else's kids watch television. Once he's two I'm all for 30 minute videos and netflix.  I was totally still am a couch potato. And I would really love if my son didn't follow in my foot steps for so many reasons. 

Like I'm not made of money, so I couldn't handle listening to non stop nagging for power ranger action figures or go gurt. When we go to the toy store I want Animal to go to the toys that strike his imagination, not the ones he's been drilled to demand. Also my kid just doesn't stop, if it's really true that t.v. exposure can up the chance of ADD, then I can't risk it. And limited screen time for him, means limited screen time for us. 

Anyway what got me thinking about all these things is that in just two weeks my baby is gonna be a toddler and pumping will be a thing of the past yay! Gin and tonic here I come! We've started the weaning process, but something unexpected is happening to me. I've decided to keep BF in the morning and at night until Animal self weans, or my milk supply disappears. And maybe for the first time ever I'm feeling a little Crunchy...