Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Thought I Was Past This...

I just wrote about this. Like two weeks ago. Also it's been on my mind in the past...

I have been extremely under the weather this week. Animal seems to have something also. He is a super healthy boy (knock on wood) except for some heinous colds, we have been golden. Thursday morning when I opened his bedroom door there was a horrendous stench. If you are a mom, you know the one. Vomit. Fucking vomit. It was on his PJs, the sheets, the breathable crib liner, and his teddy. I was scared. Scared to look too closely at anything else. I just threw his lovey, and blankets in the hamper without examination. 

I made a doctors appointment and took him in Friday. 

I think I made a terrible choice when picking our pediatrician. In my defense, she tricked me. We met her at our birthing class and she fucking sold the shit out of herself and her practice. The hubby and I gobbled it up. 

She really seemed to be all about her field. The nursing staff at the hospital also seemed to really like her. To be fair, she was really cool when he was born.

Since then however, well, it hasn't been a love fest.

We haven't seen her much, we mostly get her nurse practitioner or other doctor in her office. Some of them are awesome, some are not. She seems to have no patience for my high energy, temperamental son. That would be fine, if she was a waitress at Sizzler. She however is a pediatrician, that means she chose to work with children. They come in a wide array of temperaments. I know, because I also chose a profession that revolved around children. That means no matter how I feel inwardly about a certain persona, I am patient, kind, understanding, firm, and a professional. I don't ignore my "client" if he is a pill. 

Here' s the other thing. Any toddler in that situation can be a nightmare. Mine often is, when he's there.  I can see and feel her annoyance, and it's unsettling. 

At this visit, she didn't speak to him. Only to me. She asked me to put him on my lap, and she asked me to help her examine his mouth, ears, heart and lungs. She asked me how old he was, which I found to be super annoying seeing as she has his chart before she walks in and he's been her patient since birth. 

During the 15 minutes she spent with us, she told me "He doesn't talk". I told her, he didn't speak much, but he did have over a dozen words he said EVERY DAY, and more that he said occasionally. She repeated that "he didn't talk", and told me she wanted him to see a specialist. (Oh in case you wondered about his health, she said he was fine, his throat was irritated, he didn't need medicine. He would recover on his own) That could be. I'm not denying that he may need a specialist, I'm not a speech expert, but she didn't say hello or goodbye to him (two things he can say). She didn't try to engage him in anyway, and she didn't listen to me when I said he could talk, or even challenge what I said by asking him a question. I mentioned he'll be in preschool in just a few weeks when he turns two, and she said "why wait? You don't want to wait with speech delays"., A completely reasonable notion,  I have asked at the last two well baby appointments about a speech delay. The last two times when I was the one worried, I was told "he's a boy and in a bilingual home, don't worry, this is normal".

On her way out the door, she asked me to stop and see Cindy (the receptionist) for the appointment with specialist. 

Animal threw another little tantrum on the way out of the office because he wanted to play at the train table in the waiting room. I felt bad for him. I'm reading a discipline book right now by Dr. Karp, and it says in there to imagine myself as a toddler, always loosing. Being smaller, weaker and with less words than practically everyone around me. It's given me a lot more patience because it's so true. He just wanted to play trains, but first I whisked him away to be poked and prodded, then to be strapped into his car seat. It's no wondered he reverts to fussiness.

In the car, once music was playing, he looked at a favorite book happily. Pointing and asking "Es que?", saying "ball" and "car" when he found pictures of those things. When we got to Grandma's he didn't fuss, he just waved and said "Bye". 

On my way in to work I did a mini soul search. Am I just not wanting to believe he may have a speech delay? Is it just wishful thinking on my part because I am his mother and I only want to see the best picture of him? I would say that is a total possibility. Honestly though as I recently mentioned, he really and truly is speaking. Clearly, I'm not the only one that understands his words. Is he very verbal? No. Working with his age group also lets me see, he's not that behind any more. 

We're going to see the specialist. It can't hurt, right? If he does have a problem the sooner we know the better. I get that. I just refuse to let this person (doctor or not) who has spent only 15-30 minutes in the last year with my son. Tell me who he is, based on a mediocre (at best) visit. 

If you were me. What might you do? Or think about all this?

16 comments:

  1. It can't hurt to bring him to the specialist, but I'd get a new primary care. Ask your students' parents if they like theirs.

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    1. I agree, nothing wrong with a visit to an expert, who will presumably speak to him.

      You told me to get a new primary almost a year ago, when I talked about our primary. I don't know why I am always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and go against my gut. I have to get over that. You'll be happy to know that I've started getting names and checking reviews of other doctors.

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    2. I wouldn't worry about it. He is starting preschool soon and he is bilingual. Just cut him a break. I am sure that he will be talking all our ears off in no time. Yesterday he was having a bad morning. As it is he is forever talking up a storm with the words he does know. I know as soon as I see him when I get up he tries and break me down how his morning is and what he's up to. He'll catch up.

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    3. Thanks. That's what I think too. The visit just really through me off.

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  2. Bring him to the specialist if you want to...change his doctor though, forsure.

    Is he a very competent child physically?

    I ask because (as a rule) kids develop unequally - they tend to be obviously better at language OR physical stuff from a young age, and then the other catches up.

    But if he's under two and in a bilingual home environment and is speaking confidently enough with you, I shouldn't worry too much yet.

    Does he put words together? Mini-sentences like?

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    1. He is much more physical for sure. He can do chin ups, not for show but to get to a toy or food on the dining room table.

      He has 4 two word phrases. Everything is else is still single words, but he definitely understands and "talks" a lot. He is very communicative, it's just not mostly English or Spanish.

      We will for sure see the specialist. If she had spent any time actually trying to talk to him I would have been happy with the referral, because if my son needs the help I'm more than willing to help him get it

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    2. Sounds like he's probably developing absolutely normally.

      See the specialist anyway, and have it confirmed. I reckon it's just poor practice on the part of the doc which earned you the referral, but it'd be nice to know you're not the only one who thinks she's not doing her job properly. Hopefully they'll look baffled, tell you he's 'on the bell curve of normal' and shoo you out, wondering why you were sent to them :)

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    3. Thanks. I'll post an update after we see them. I'll probably hear from them this week...

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  3. I would meet with the specialist, but for the record both of my kids were slow to talk. Neither talked till 2 1/2 and haven't stopped since. There were basic words, but nothing major. Kids will talk when they are ready. He is making words, it will come. Relax, and he may too. Also - totally get a new pediatrician. She sounds like a jerk. My pediatrician is awesome - it took 3 to find him.

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    1. I've been hearing that more (people who like/respect their pediatrician) that it took a few tries to find the right fit. "Relax, and he may too". I thought I was so easy going, till I became a mom. ;)

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  4. When it comes to a child, I'm careful. Last thing you want is to blame yourself for not doing as a doctor requests. Still, I've started telling my doctor "No" to seeing every damn specialist they recommend. I've learned from several doctors that the hospital groups they're associated with require them to send each patients on a constant basis, whether there's a real need or not. The last straw was when one started giving me a sales pitch to a piece of equipment long before examining me. Gotta remember, they're not non profit organizations! But, like I said, they've really got you over a barrel when kids are involved. Good Luck!

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    1. Agreed, I can't ignore her advice. I just plan to look for a new pediatrician. I don't need to like my kids doctor, but I do need to trust and respect them. Not speaking to the actual patient is just not acceptable in my mind.

      Plus the more I think about it, it can't hurt right? I may learn something and he'll either get the help he needs or they'll send us on our way. There will be a point where I too would feel comfortable saying this is unneeded, my son isn't there, so for now we gotta try it.

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  5. New pediatrician fer sher! You should leave that office with warm fuzzies, not doubt or disappointment. Ever.

    I bet he's developing just fine, but go to the specialist for the peace of mind.

    I was once convinced beyond all convinced that my 6yo had anxiety disorder and was ready to call his doctor and ask for a therapist. On my gut, I decided to wait it out, and wallah, the "anxiety" symptoms all but vanished! He was probably just a little immature in that area (handling new situations). Sometimes they just need a little more time in certain areas.....

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    1. I've gotten a couple of names already, and am checking online reviews. I checked out my doctor on yelp, and a lot of other complaints about coldness towards children.

      Being a parent is hard, always trying to make the best choice never quite knowing if you're making the right one...

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  6. I agree - best to see the specialist for peace of mind. It's so hard to know how much stock to take in what a doctor says when they haven't spent much time with you at your visit. That can be frustrating.

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    1. I'm happy to take him to the specialist. For help or peace of mind. It was just that, FRUSTRATING.

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