Monday, June 3, 2013

"Oh No, I'm Going To Crap My Pants"

After I had signed up for my first race ever, a half marathon. The hubby called me over to our desk where he was looking at something online. Whatever it was I was intrigued because his expression was one of fascination, awe and...disgust?

"This better never be you", he said as I came closer.

When I finally saw what he was looking at it was a runner in a marathon (full) that had crapped himself. The poor guy had shit running down his legs, obviously he was horrified, but if memory serves me correctly (and it's completely possible that it doesn't and this is just wishful thinking on my part) he was crossing the finish line.

I got one of those truly horrible colds yesterday. Where your head hurts, it's so full of pressure that you're sure it's completely possible that your head might explode. My throat hurts. My body aches. I have no patience for life or any of it's garbage.

I was going to write a review for this great hard cider last night, but when I took out my laptop at 7:15 I started nodding off at 7:17 without a single word written. So I went to bed, slept over 9 glorious hours and when my alarm rang at 5 am even though I still ached, my heart said, "You're not really going to miss a run over a stupid cold. Are you?" And my head promptly chimed in, "and after those ridiculous food choices you made, ALL weekend. You're never gonna lose this fat ass if you don't get out of bed!"

So I got myself out of my warm comfy  bed. Got ready, and headed to the track. Monday is the easy run of the week. 30 minutes.

This morning was cold and windy, but the track was quiet and welcoming. It's light out already at 5:30 this time of the year.

There's a beauty in the world when the sun is out but it's devoid of the hustle and bustle of a regular day in the city. You can really get lost in your thoughts. Clear your head. Unburden your heart. Or catch up with a friend.

My dad runs with me, has for years, it's one of the only times we get to connect. I so hope one day Animal will join me...

Any who.

Lap one, two, three go by. I'm glad I'm here. Glad I didn't miss this feeling. This feeling of strength that courses from the balls of my feet, up my legs, fills my lungs and heart. This energy I'll carry all through my harried day.

Lap four, five, six. This peace.

Lap seven. This feeling of ... my stomach cramping?

Oh shit, I think I'm going to crap my pants! Several things race through my mind.

      1. Is this really happening?

      2. Maybe it will pass. No, it won't. I'm really going to crap my pants.

      3. Where is the nearest toilet.

      4. If this happens...

               My husband will NEVER let me live it down

               He may take pictures for instagram

               He will NEVER have sex with me again

     5. Can I finish one more lap and run at least 2 miles?

Lap eight. I finished the two miles.

I wave goodbye to my dad. Jump in the car. Drive to my parents house. They live 2 minutes from track. Use my spare key and make a beeline for the toilet.

Now I know some of you will be very disappointed by how the story ends. I made it to the bathroom without incident. The end.

I am not, at all sorry to disappoint you, and very grateful I was not, that sick after all.


  1. Oh my, I just signed up for a 5k that is happening in 2 weeks. In order to get my ass in gear I outted myself on FB for accountability. What was I thinking?

    1. No that's great! You'll be so glad on race day when people are thinking of you and congratulating you. Good Luck! It's gonna be so much fun and then you'll be addicted :)

  2. THANKS, Oops I Crapped My Pants!! (Did you ever see that SNL episode?) Great job holding it in until you got home!! :)

    1. I'm hoping to YouTube RIGHT NOW! and thanx ;)

  3. Haha - I remember doing a 10k last year and about 1k past the porta potties I thought I was going to have to sneak into the bushes for a blow out. Worst feeling ever! Glad you made it in time ;)

    1. Me too! It's the dirty side of running ;)

  4. I'm still not talking to you from that silly squat challenge! Now how am I going to unsee those pictures Jenn told you to google!
    OH alright I forgive you ;) Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up

    1. HAHAHA! I haven't posted new challenge cuz I'm still hurt, but it's going to be fun!

      OMGosh did you see those pictures? So terrible (for them) ;)