It's Over

Of course I always knew the time would come when we would be here. When it would be over, and I couldn't wait. Except now that it is. It's so bittersweet.

Animal stopped nursing completely this week. He's been self weaning for a couple of months now. Only nursing before bed. We have this routine, we turn on his little turtle that puts stars on the ceiling, then we turn on his gentle giraffe (womb sounds) finally I pull out our boppy and we sit in our special chair across from his crib. When he's done nursing I lay him down and tuck him in before walking out.

A few days before Mother's day after turning on his stars and sounds, I pulled out the boppy and he waved goodbye to me very sweetly. It surprised me, but I went with it. Half expecting him to reach out to me crying when he realized I was going to just lay him down and walk out. He smiled at me angelically as I put him down and tucked him in. I said, "Good night, I love you". He babbled softly and pulled his blanket up to his chin. Then I walked out, and he went to sleep. I teared up. It was over. I didn't have a baby anymore.

Of course he's been a toddler for the better part of a year. But at least once a day, he was still my baby. And of course he always will be, except he isn't.

I always knew I was going to breastfeed, but I had never expected to nurse past his first birthday. Once we read all the material on breastfeeding, the hubby and I just agreed that I would nurse him until he was done. Or he turned two. I didn't want to nurse a preschooler. Then I met all these women that are crunchy granola moms not crunchy granola lite, like me that I kinda admire. I'm such a hippie at heart. It just seemed less and less strange, and more and more natural that we would self wean.

Then he shocked me. He's been self weaning for months, and it's just done. He just grew up. It seemed so natural and pretty much seamless how it just ended.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have my body back. It's great to have the extra time and that the hubby can put the baby to bed without me any night now. I'm especially excited to NOT have to look at the clock to decide if I can have a glass of wine.

It's bittersweet.

Yadda, it kind of sucks to be done with the baby days.

This is post is brought to
you by the letter 'Y'

Listen Yuckbuddies, yadda is like bleep for the bad word. C'mon it's the letter Y, there is little to choose from as far as "bad" words go.

"Normal" Phase

This weeks topic is about non-traditional parenting choices, what do you do that's "unusual"? Jenn asked.

Animal is a year and a half old, at this stage I don't really think I do anything that is "unusual".

When he was a baby there were a few things. Like his crib was in our room until 10 months, I exclusively breastfed till six months, I made my son's baby food (using only organic produce for a long time). I gave him peanut butter on his first birthday and eggs just before he turned 1. Except for tasting some fresh fruit juice from Sweet Tomato, he only drinks milk (mine and organic cow milk) and water. We're self weaning (is that unusual?), but we're almost done. My bodies still making milk, but he nurses a total of 5 to 20 minutes a day. We're almost done there. I tried not to let him watch TV, but we all know I failed there.

I would say that we are currently very traditional. So he can't drink soda or juice. That's totally normal. He watches a little TV, normal again. He eats pretty healthy and we make sure he gets a chance to be active and the opportunity to rest (even if that means our life revolves around his nap schedule) that's what parents do. He's not allowed to go to strip clubs. He can't hang out on the corner getting smashed and smoking pot. And absolutely no bitches over after bedtime.

Even though his daddy and I don't get flu shots and tend to believe in natural remedies before a prescription, our son's vaccinations are up to date and complete and will remain so. We will give him over the counter drugs when needed and be at every well baby visit. Normal again, right?

I foresee that it will be a few years before our unusual methods emerge.

I really wanted to home school, but I haven't finished school, and we can't afford for me to stay home.

So, when Animal starts school, the hubby and I plan to enhance his education with some field trips, home lessons, debates and our own reading material. I don't know that teachers will appreciate our public education plus plan. And I don't care.

I don't want to lie to my son, and while there are some subjects where I will have little to add (think math), there are other subjects like social studies, art, physical education, English (not grammar or spelling obviously) and science (think life/biology) where I think the hubby and I will have a lot to contribute.

When he starts learning about the missions, we're gonna take him to the same mission his school will take him to, but we'll be sure to include the mass "Indian" graveyard, and to discuss the Catholic church's roll in the genocide of the native people.

When he studies the Mexican/American war and the treaty of Guadalupe, we'll talk about it from both perspectives.

We'll provide yoga, and other physical activity at home. When he's old enough I'm going to take him on family fun runs and with me in the mornings so we can pound the pavement together.

We'll go to art museums, poetry readings, protest, concerts, the ballet, and provide creative outlets.

We want Animal to be curious, to question everything, to think. Both the hubby and I think those are invaluable skills. When he wants something we don't agree on, we'll ask him to convince us. With an essay.

It's hard to say all we'll do, because those times aren't here yet.

We don't know what curve balls life will throw us. What things we'll add, and what will be omitted.

Whatever our methods, they'll be the norm in our home. I'm looking forward to it.


Click the TT button to read more or join in.
 Today's letter is B.

TT Expert Advice

This week it's my job to give you advice on something that I am an expert at.

I asked the hubby what he thought I could give advice about. What am I really good at? His suggestion?

"You're really good at being passive aggressive", he said.

Well.

As good as I can be at that, it doesn't seem like the kind of advise any of you are looking for.

Then he said, "You're really good at being prepared".

"How so?", I asked because I was honestly surprised by his answer and figured he was being sarcastic.

So he totally surprised me with some sweet words on how I handle situations as they are arising as examples. For instance, I had been petrified of ever having a baby, since fifth grade when I watched a birth video in sex ed. When I discovered that I was growing a human, I was so happy and so scared. So I started doing what I do best.

Researching!

When faced with an important decision, I find that the only way to move forward is to learn as much as possible. Think about how I would feel and then go with my gut. I try to anticipate any surprises, so that I can be prepared to change my plans if I need to. I don't want to be completely caught off guard. So here's how to come up with a birth plan, like a boss.

First if your terrified like me, find out what a doula is, what she does and hire one.

Next, or first if you are not terrified. Start researching. Research everything.

Start with who you want to deliver your baby.

Watch documentaries. Read books. Google. Talk to moms. Visit baby center.

Download some birth plans and then research everything on those plans, especially all the things that the mom to be would like to avoid.

Listen to every one's advice but make your own choices based on what's best for you and your family. Talk to your partner. You should agree on as much as possible.

Once you have planned what you ideally hope for, start talking about what you will do if something unexpected happens. Like if you don't want to be induced, but your 10 days over due. At what point do say uncle? What if you plan to get straight to the hospital and get an epidural, but you get to the hospital and your Dr says it's too late, no drugs for you, how will you cope?

Go over your plan with your Dr, they may have a compelling argument to change your mind about some idea you have. Or you may have to give a compelling argument about it being your body, your baby and your choices. Either way, you want your Dr.s green light.

A birth plan is not a concrete plan set in stone, it is a just a guide for as many scenarios as possible. So that you can have some reassurance knowing that if something less than ideal happens, everyone there knows how you would like the situation handled, when you were cool headed and not in the throes of pain or a heightened emotional state.

When my water broke, I was ready for whatever adventure I was about to have. I had spent a better part of my life being terrified of child birth, but I was totally calm the last few weeks leading up to my sons birth. Because I felt prepared for any surprise.


This post is part of a multi blogger collaboration. To read more expert advice or share your own, just click the TT button.

TT Fat Kids

I wasn't a fat kid, but once I hit puberty I started packing on the pounds. It was tough to be a fat girl. There was no such thing as torrid, and few places carried anything over a size 11, so I started buying men's jeans. I was lucky though. I was (am) pretty awesome. I was (am) outgoing, talkative, amusing, friendly, opinionated and nice. People liked me. I had friends, and boyfriends, and people didn't make fun of me (to my face or to my knowledge anyway). Even with all that, it was hard. I can't imagine what it would have been like if people had teased me. If I had been bullied. I would have been destroyed.

After high school, I started making changes. I cut out soda. I drank fat free milk. I ate less garbage. I started working out. Slowly, over the years, I got healthier. I educated myself and immersed myself in fitness books, magazines, and websites. I started running. Lots and lots of times I started running. Until one day miles and miles behind me, I was a runner.

It wasn't easy to make those changes, small and slow as I made them. My parents made fun of me when I switched to fat free milk. "Would you like a glass of milk, or are you going to have a cup of dirty water?" my mom would ask. 

When I switched to cascade fresh non fat yogurt, with no artificial flavors or added sugar (except fruit) I gagged the first few times. My dad would say, "Why eat that if you don't like it? Food is one of the pleasures of life. You should enjoy it". I explained I would like it eventually; I just wasn't used to it yet. It was hard for them to understand. They weren't obese like me. Maybe they even took it as an insult that I would question the food they worked hard to provide and prepare. Food was one of the first things I bought for myself when I started working.

I don't want that for my kid. I don't want for him to struggle with weight like I did. So, for years before I even considered parenthood, I decided that I would do whatever it took to help any offspring I might have avoid that fate.

One of my reasons for breastfeeding was statistically breastfed children are less likely to be obese.  I waited to introduce solids until six months, for the same reason. In fact, nearly all of the food choices I have made up to this point in my son's life are to help him be more likely to be healthy. 

I joined weight watchers, because I know I have to be healthy in order to be a good role model, and because he is more likely to continue these habits if they are family habits. So even though I don't like to cook, I do. Even though I love to eat fast food, I don't. Even though I'm tiered and don't want to spend every weekend at a park when I could be watching TV, I will be. For the next oh, ten years or so, I'll be at the park playing with my son.

People are willing to admit that we have a problem in this country when it comes to our ever widening waistlines, but not so much that it's a serious problem within our families. That it's putting our children at risk. That it's putting our country at risk. It doesn't seem that many of us are willing to take responsibility over this problem and resolve to change it. If not in our country, in our home, at our own kitchen tables. 

When I child is fat, It's not their fault. They can't do it alone; We have to help them. We have to be their (and our own) advocates. It wont be easy, but we can do it. Our children deserve to be healthy. It's our job to make that happen.

This post is part of a multi blog collaboration, to read about some other hot topics, or to add your own rant thoughts, just click the TT button.

TT Parenting Style

Parenting Styles. That's the topic this week. I've mentioned before that I'm not comfortable with labels. I certainly wasn't embracing the label that seemed to me getting thrown at me once I became a mom.

I'm a, do what works, kind of mom.

I don't think there's a "right" way or a "wrong" way to raise a child (as long as you don't neglect their needs and love them). As a seasoned child care provider I have had a chance to see many styles in action. I have my favorites and my not so favorites.

My least favorite are the parents who let their children do what ever they want. Let them treat others however they want. I don't like the kind of people that produces, unruly, ill mannered, little terrors. I have never understood these parents. No one (including them it seems) wants to be around their little darlings, so why not do themselves, and their poor child, a favor and draw some clear boundaries for them? I just couldn't fathom it.

I am not that kind of parent, but I can understand those parents a little bit now. For one, they (mostly) don't have my vast experience or knowledge of how children grow and develop. Secondly, we are all different people, they may not of the patience to deal with the amount of testing a child can procure (or for the sometimes insane amount of tantrum that can come forth from such a small human) or know the rewards that come from letting their child have the meltdown and sticking to their guns. Lastly, parents are tiered, often second guessing themselves consistently (or not nearly enough), and if you work full time like the hubby and I do, it sucks to have to spend the little time you get with your small love, disciplining them.

I get it. I do, but that isn't me.

I have been described as a loving, firm but fair teacher. I think that sums me up pretty well. I love my kids, and I love my son, but I am firm and (mostly) fair (I am human after all).

All of the children in my care know I love them. I think it comes across not only through the love and affection I bestow upon them of course, but I firmly believe that it comes across in the limits I set and that they know what the answer is (once they have asked once) always.

For children, limits, rules and boundaries make them feel safe and secure. Nothing makes a child happier than knowing they are loved and that they are safe and secure. Nothing. (Unless they're a toddler, then playing with a remote control or cell phone could top the list. Wait, no because they still have to feel loved, safe and secure to really enjoy that remote or phone)

I read a question on twitter this week, Are you the mom you thought you would be?

I am honestly not. I am in the sense of being loving and setting limits, but my son has a mind of his own and test me every day. EVERY. DAY.

I hoped I would be a crunchy granola lite kind of mom, but I just didn't think I had it in me. A natural birth, breastfeeding, no kid tv till two, making baby food, cooking meals staying away from junk food, being active with my son, sort of mom. That was gonna be way too hard for me.

Those were some lofty ideals, thought I.

I could never do it.

 I kinda admire the moms that could, and I don't have anything against the moms that don't. Those things just fit better with the kind of person I am. No matter who you are, this is the key, YOU have to be true to the person YOU are. Kids can smell a phony a mile away. They don't respect phonies (and can you blame them).

One of the coolest things about being a mom for me, was discovering that I could do all those things. I could be that mom. I CAN be the loving, limit setter I am, AND the crunchy granola lite mom I wanted to be. I don't even mind that it's not easy, that I'm tiered. I'm the mom I didn't think I could be.

Other people would say to me, "You're gonna be a great mom". I didn't believe them. I didn't think I would be, but I am.



This post is part of a multi blogger collaboration. To read about this weeks theme or to add your two cents, click the TT button!

TT How I Could Have Paid For Animal's College Education

I don't talk very much about breastfeeding.

Women have such strong opinions on the subject and feelings are often entangled in those opinions. You can never "win". There's nothing you can say that someone wont take offense too. Even though it's a personal choice, and every family is different, some women still feel the need to tell you how your choice sucks.

Also because some women really wanted to breastfeed, tried to breastfeed, and tried again and it just didn't work. Or they hit some stumbling block and had no one to turn to get the advice and encouragement that they needed, they gave up, maybe feel defeated and cheated out of a loving experience they hoped to share with their little bundle of joy. They don't want to hear about another woman's success. It's maybe catty, but maybe I can understand that.

For those reasons I don't share my experience nursing my son with just anyone unless asked. I don't hide it, but I also don't just joyfully share my happiness or my pride, in myself and in my body.

I thought for this week's Theme Thursday I would openly share a few thoughts on, and only about my personal experience with breastfeeding.

I, being a tree hugging hippie at heart, knew that if I ever had children I would breastfeed them. The images I had seen my whole life, led me to believe that it was the most beautiful, peaceful, natural thing in the world. I hadn't yet been hit with all the "Breast is Best" campaign material, but I had (and still have) a belief that God has provided everything we need. That my body was not just made to grow life, but to sustain it.

Early in my pregnancy the women around me started telling me that breastfeeding was not "easy" and that most likely it wouldn't work out. That I didn't have to feel bad about not being able to do it. They weren't telling me to be mean or to be discouraging. They just wanted me to be prepared for what they felt was certain failure and the hurt that they had experienced when their visions hadn't come to pass as they had dreamed while expecting their first.

Another factor was that formula is expensive. When I was looking at what our budget would be once the baby was born, it was daunting. I didn't know how we could do it. To add my son to my insurance plan was nearly 600 dollars a month. I wish that none of these things were a concern for me and my growing family but the reality is that they very much are, and sticking with my goal, to do what I happened to believe was better for my son would alleviate some of the financial strains.

I was fortunate enough to have started frequenting The Red Tent, and while there I learned about a baby fair that was centered around natural birthing. I had also already decided to try to birth my son minus the epidural and was hoping to meet a doula there. I not only found the doula that we hired, but I found The Nursing Mothers Counsel an organization that gave a breastfeeding class and hooked you up with a  counselor to help you with any questions or problems for the duration of your breastfeeding journey. FOR FREE!

I felt armed and ready. When Animal was born he took to breastfeeding like a fish to water and the first week or so, I honestly felt the way I imagined I would feel. Except that it was happening a lot more often than I had expected even though I was told to expect 8-12 feedings a day. I had to feed him every 3 hrs which meant I was sleeping maybe 2 hrs at a time, I hadn't didn't want to believed it would be like that. It was a long and beautiful week.

Then it got so painful, I was so tired and one of my nipples cracked! It was like my nipples were on fire. They burned so bad there was no relief. Not what I had imagined. I whined, came close to tears, it was the worst. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I could go on. I remembered my counselor and gave her a call. It was hard to make that call, I was embarrassed I didn't know if it was "normal". The counselor told me what I could do to get me through and assured me that nothing was wrong. This kind of thing happened. She promised me it would get better. Her tips worked and at 8 weeks we were over the horrible hump.

I had to pump A LOT for my always hungry baby. I felt like a cow being milked. It was a little embarrassing having to take my pump with me if I was going to be out when I needed to pump, but I was really committed. It wasn't easy, just like I'd been warned, but I felt all of these things were worth it.

Another unexpected thing, was the comments people make. Once you become a parent everybody and their momma feels like they have to share their opinion. Their opinion is likely to include what your doing wrong. If I had a dollar for every time someone made a negative comment about my breastfeeding , or how we were being crazy I probably wouldn't have to worry about Animal's college education. Among the most surprising annoying things was a childless friend telling my husband that there was no evidence that breastfeeding was beneficial to my son. A doctor telling me that it was not OK for me to not feed my son at least baby cereal once he turned 4 months (we were waiting until 6 months to introduce solids), and finally my mom insisting my aunt was right when she told me that I couldn't let my back get cold or my milk would "dry up".

It doesn't matter. All of those things people said, all of the problems, all of the inconveniences, don't matter one bit. It was the best choice for me and my family. My husband and I have loved this journey. It has been an amazing bonding experience for my son and I. It eases my guilt just a little that I had to go back to work so soon. I will always and forever cherish every memory that was made. I don't regret any of it.


This post is part of a multi blogger collaboration to read others ideas on this weeks theme (or add your own) just click the TT button.

Crunchy Granola: Weaning Woes

As I mentioned in this post, I am not a crunchy granola mom. But as we live in a society that loves to label, some people think I am. Now don't get me wrong I am a tree hugging hippie for sure, but some people didn't notice cuz I don't go around lecturing people until I became a mommy.  And so crunchy granola and attachment parent soon became titles others might use to describe me crazy, over protective, wacko might be other words they use to describe me. Real crunchy granola moms, and proponents of attachment parenting would probably quickly shun me point out that I am not either of those things. 

For instance I don't use elimination communication, cloth diapers or even seventh generation diapers. Animal doesn't sleep in my bed but there were nights he did  in a co-sleeper but his crib was in our bedroom till 9 1/2 months. I DO use pedia care if I need to, and my son gets vaccinated. I also even dare use a stroller, sometimes. 

The thing I think that started this whole crunchy granola business was that I wanted to have the baby the old fashioned way, sans the drugs. And to be honest if my insurance would have ponied up I would have delivered my son at home. They wouldn't, so Hospital it was. 

We hired an awesome Doula and had a birth plan cue the mass rolling of eyes . Like I said I'm a hippie at heart and so is the Hubby. Also to quote him "Your the one having the baby, so whatever you want I'll support". Would I have beaten myself up if I got the drugs. NO WAY!  Do I think moms that choice that route are less tough? worse moms? NO WAY! Do I even give a shit what others do? NO WAY! Did I think that because I had a birth plan things were gonna magically align to give me the "perfect" experience of my dreams? NO WAY! But so it began that I was a certain kind of mom. 

When I was pregnant I also decided that I would like to Breastfeed my son, hopefully for the first year of his life. Cue second thing that put me in the crunch category. I am super fortunate to live in the bay area and know some women who work in and around the birthing community. So getting support, guidance, help was not a problem for me. It was even 100% FREE! And ongoing. I know that that is not the case all over the country. And I honestly belief that is the reason that a lot more women don't. Breastfeeding is hard and without a lot of help it can feel impossible. It is NOT like in the movies. And although I hoped for the pluses of BF like the baby weight just falling off, which has been total bullshit in my case for Animal, it wasn't a completely selfless act. Baby Formula is expensive shit! In one month my awesome expensive and needs a shit load of expensive accessories  pump paid for itself. A baby is super expensive, I wish a had a dope ass job that paid out the wazoo, but I don't. And being able to take formula out of the monthly budget I hoped would mean we could better afford the insurance. 

Then once we got the BF thing down, let's say around 12 weeks yeah that's how long it took, I loved it. And so I BFE for 6 months, cue thing number 4. My son was thriving and happy. But he stopped sleeping and started waking up A LOT. Cue number 5, The hubby and I could not handle CIO. 

Then 6, I started making him baby food. And buying organic. Hear me out. Again I'm a hippie at heart, who already shops at Whole Foods and someone gave me an awesome Baby Beaba Cook. Plus I don't buy everything organic,  just for sure the dirty dozen. And again it saves us money money I use to buy green sprouts dishes and cutlery. Lastly in this category I feed him tofu and other things people think are weird but it's food his daddy and I eat and we just want him to be included into family meals. I don't cook people so we're most certainly not having two separate meals cooked in this house. 

Finally number 7, and the thing I think really chops peoples hide is Animal doesn't watch t.v., does this mean we don't watch t.v.? or that I turn Animal away from t.v.here or in other peoples homes? Of course not. Nor do I care if anyone else's kids watch television. Once he's two I'm all for 30 minute videos and netflix.  I was totally still am a couch potato. And I would really love if my son didn't follow in my foot steps for so many reasons. 

Like I'm not made of money, so I couldn't handle listening to non stop nagging for power ranger action figures or go gurt. When we go to the toy store I want Animal to go to the toys that strike his imagination, not the ones he's been drilled to demand. Also my kid just doesn't stop, if it's really true that t.v. exposure can up the chance of ADD, then I can't risk it. And limited screen time for him, means limited screen time for us. 

Anyway what got me thinking about all these things is that in just two weeks my baby is gonna be a toddler and pumping will be a thing of the past yay! Gin and tonic here I come! We've started the weaning process, but something unexpected is happening to me. I've decided to keep BF in the morning and at night until Animal self weans, or my milk supply disappears. And maybe for the first time ever I'm feeling a little Crunchy...